Under the autumn sky (✔️)

I know so (20)

We let the topic settle in during the night before getting to talk about it. Dad knew it was a bit awkward and that I had so many questions in my head now. When did it start?  Did Marley and Joshua know about this? Was it a secret or was it only a secret to me? Is it serious or just a fling? 

I woke up early thinking I was the only one in the house that couldn't sleep. Jackson beat me to it. I saw him through the kitchen window. He was awake and sitting on the porch looking at the landscape with a lost look in his eyes. I silently made coffee and poured it on two mugs then I took two bagels and walked out to join him. He knew I was there already probably his senses were already trained to detect threads. He looked at me with a grateful smile when I handed him the coffee with the bagel and sat beside him.

I took in the cold breeze at five in the morning still dark with a nice view of the stars in the sky. It was only three days but I missed this place and its peaceful energy. I was caught by surprise when I heard his voice making conversation. 

“Ms. Davis, do you think happiness really exist?” he asked taking a sip of his hot coffee while looking at me with his intense look full of emotions.

“ I do believe it. I also believe happiness has a different concept to all of us" I said still amazed at the night sky. 

“ I'm sorry for the next question Ms. Davis, but, what is yours?” he asked politely but curious.

I have never thought I would be here pounding life existence and happiness with my bodyguard. This man was something different. I felt his pain emanating from him.

“ Please call me Liv. Happiness for me is still a concept I need to find out, Jackson” I answered honestly  “What is yours?”

“ It is very simple, Liv. Happiness for me is to feel free. The small things that are the key to everything is to find the meaning in your life or of the little things we live and appreciate them. I have had a hard time finding those small things my mind had been occupied by big black holes that won't let me appreciate the present and its little gifts" he explained with a deep husky voice that made me rethink my life and go back to see when was the last time I stopped to fall in love with those small things.

I had a lot more to learn about myself and what could make me happy.

I stayed there quietly looking at him. What other surprises did this guy possibly have? Who the hell did you find to protect me, Joshua? What secrets does he hide? I didn't ask any of these questions because it was certain he wasn't going to answer them. His job made it difficult for him to open up and behind that ruthless man I had the feeling a very hard past was hidden.

“ Thank you for the coffee, Liv" he whispered looking directly into my eyes.

He stood up and walked to the door but stopped when he heard my voice.

“ Thank you for the small talk" I said with a small blush on my cheeks.

“Agent Stevens thinks that you need to be happy. You might want to learn to so he can be happy himself. It is not my place to say this but I feel you need to know...he found the meaning and purpose of his life already" he said holding the door knob looking at me with a broken look.

“What is his purpose?” I asked scared of the answer.

“  If you find yours it will lead you directly to his”  he said sounding like Yoda. His wise but unsettling words made a huge impact in me. He had known Joshua more than me due to the type of work they do. His words only made me feel confused. What does the meaning of Joshua's life have to do with mine?

I stayed there a little longer until dad walked outside to find me in a mental retardation focused on my life for the past ten years. I've always known that I had a small crush on Joshua when I was younger but he never felt the same way. Then I came to the conclusion that I loved Blake that everything had to do with him. I was always confused and anxious around Blake with the secret and complications of being best friends. Joshua was always there in some way pulling the best out of me. He made me smile and even if it wasn't his job, he had found different ways to protect me. I was not in any need to force myself into loving anyone, but the thought of loving Joshua, wasn't that scary either.