If You Only Knew

Chapter 5

Kiko's POV

After driving for over an hour, I finally arrived home. To say I was tired was an understatement. Throughout the entire trip home, all I could think about was Devon and everything that happened today. 

She was honestly the most confusing person I have ever met. 

There were times where I swore that she was flirting with me. But then I had to remind myself that, that was just Devon's sweet nature. Or she'd have a little gleam in her eye whilst she was talking to me; but then I knew it was probably just my mind playing tricks on me. I wanted so badly for it to be true, for her to actually have feelings for me. For her to feel the same way about me. 

But Devon was a closed book - hard to read. She built this wall around herself that was almost impossible to break through. I knew that she'd been through a lot. I remember watching her interview with Tito Boy where she discussed all the internal struggles she went through these past few years. I remember tearing up when she started to cry as she talked about wanting to make the pain go away. I beat myself up for not recognizing the signs when we were working on Pwera Usog together. 

A part of me wanted to go to her and give her the biggest hug, to be there for her. But I knew I couldn't, so I just sent her a text. Nothing extravagant. Just a simple text explaining that I saw her interview and that if she needed someone to talk to then I was there. And she gave me a simple reply back; just a 'thank you' with a love heart. Whether she believed in what I said or not, I knew that I meant it. I would be there for her, even if it was just as a friend. 

I felt a yawn emerging from me; a reminder from my body that I was tired and that I needed to rest. I slowly laid my head down on my pillow, dreaming of the girl with the most beautiful smile. 

---

Ring, ring! Ring, ring!

I groggily opened my eyes to see who was calling me at seven in the morning when I knew for certain that it was my day off. 

It's Elmo! What could he possibly want?

I answered the call and a dramatic hello awaited me. "Bro! Finally you're up! Kanina pa kita tinatawag!"

I grunted in response. "Dude, I'm sorry pero ang aga pa! What do you need this early? Alam mo naman na day off ko. I haven't slept in, in ages."

"Well, Donny asked if you wanted to come to the beach with us today. Day off din namin ngayon."

I honestly wasn't in the mood to go to the beach. Like I wanted to hang out with the boys sure, but I also just planned having a rest day today. "Sorry dude ha, pero I'm not really in the mood today eh."

"Okay, suit yourself. Kami na lang bahala kay Devon. Don't worry, we'll make sure no other guys flirt with your girl," teased Elmo. I could practically feel him smirking through the phone. 

At the sound of Devon's name, my attention perked up. "Wait, sasama si Devon?" I tried to make sure that my voice kept its cool. 

"Yep! Donny invited Kisses and Kisses wanted to invite Devon. I'm also bringing Janella. Sayang wala ka bro, I'm sure it would've been a fun day out kung kasama ka din." Even though Elmo was trying to sound sympathetic, I knew that he was teasing me. 

"Actually sige, I'll come. Wala naman akong gagawin dito sa bahay eh."

"But I thought it was your rest day," Elmo replied in a mocking tone. "Ah, is it because your love, este Devon pala, is coming as well?"

I scoffed. "You wish bro! I just haven't gone surfing in a while so I changed my mind because I want to catch some waves."

 "Okay, whatever you say. But I know you're whipped," Elmo laughed. "Anyways, I'm picking you up at 8:30 am, so mag-ready ka na. Bye!" 

Before I could say anything, Elmo had already hung up.

My heart started beating a little faster when I discovered that Devon was coming along. Devon and I have never really hung out outside of work before. Sure we've eaten together and stuff but that was always in between scenes or during our breaks. This is the first time I think where we'll be in a regular environment. 

And it's safe to say that I am extremely nervous. 

---

Just like Elmo said, he arrived at exactly 8:30. When I got into the car I was greeted by both Donny and Janella. I tried not to show it, but I was kind of disappointed that Devon wasn't in the car as well. But I've always been known as the type of person who's face gives away everything they're thinking and Donny noticed the sadness in my face. 

"Aww, Kiko! Sad ka ba kasi wala dito si Devon sa car?" he chuckled. Both Elmo and Janella laughed along as well. 

"Pfft! Hindi no. But I was wondering where the other girls are," I responded, desperately trying to cover up my emotions. 

"Kisses and Devon are going together and they said they'll meet us there," Elmo replied. 

And with that, he drove off to go to the beach. Meanwhile, I could feel Janella's gaze on me. 

"Can I help you?" I asked her. 

"So, you and Devs huh? I can see it," she smirked. 

"There is no me and Devon," I said. My voice came out a lot more bitter than I expected. 

"Pero gusto mo," Janella phrased it as if it were a statement rather than a question. 

I couldn't lie to her; she was a good friend to me. "Yes, gusto ko. But I don't think she wants that.

"Tinanong mo ba ang gusto niya? Or are you just assuming that para hindi ka masaktan?" she said. 

"Who wants to get hurt?" I replied.

She smiled sadly at me. "How will you know if you don't at least try diba?"

"Please Jan, I don't want to talk about it anymore." And so she stopped pressing me for more information. 

But the truth was, Janella was right. I kept telling myself that I didn't want to ruin the friendship between Devon and I or that she's too focused on her career. Even though I knew deep down, the reason I didn't want to tell her how I felt because I was scared she didn't feel the same way and she would reject me. And rejection wasn't something I was good at. 

No Kiko, you can't tell her how you feel because if you do and she breaks your heart, I don't think you can ever mend it again. 

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Author's Note:

Thank you to everyone who is reading this! I hope you've enjoyed this chapter and if you have I'd greatly appreciate it if you voted, commented your thoughts and shared it with your friends. 

Till we meet again,

SecretLove x