If You Only Knew

Chapter 9

Kiko's POV

This is it. I'm finally going to kiss the girl of my dreams.

A part of myself, the rational part, told me that this was a bad idea. But as I stared into her eyes, which looked like glass because of her tears, all I wanted to do was kiss her. To make all the pain she was feeling go away. I knew that in my heart, she was the girl for me. 

I subconsciously wrapped my arms around her waist, drawing her closer to me. I heard her gulp in response and I waited for her to try and escape from my grasp. But when she didn't, a burst of confidence encompassed me.

It's now or never, I reminded myself.

So I closed my eyes and began to lean in. I inched myself closer and I felt her hot, shallow breath blow onto my lips. A sliver of sweat slid down my forehead, the anticipation of our lips touching enveloped me. 

"Ahhhh! My DevKi heart!" yelled Donny.

At the sound of our friend's exclamation, Devon and I both froze in our tracks. She snapped out of whatever trance she was in and slowly slipped out of my arms. She refused to meet my gaze and my heart began to sink.

I can't believe I almost tried to kiss her! God I'm such an idiot! What if this changes everything between us. 

"Dev," I whispered, trying to regain her attention. 

I knew she heard me, but she wouldn't meet my gaze. Instead, she ran to Kisses and Janella, whose faces were mixed with confusion and smugness. They both squealed simultaneously as she approached them and Devon shook her head in response. 

Meanwhile, the boys quickly walked over to me, both of their eyebrows raised suggestively. 

"Dude," smirked Elmo, "you almost kissed her."

I groaned. "Can you please not remind me. I do not want to be reminded of one of the most embarrassing things I've ever done in my life."

"Why would it be embarrassing? You like her naman diba?" asked Donny.

"Of course I like her bro," I replied, pointedly, "but it doesn't matter because I don't think she likes me that way."

Elmo rolled his eyes. "How can you say she doesn't like you when she was just about to let you kiss her."

"I can't read her guys. Usually, I know if a girl is into me, but with her... it just feels like she only sees me as a friend. I think the only reason she let me kiss her was because her emotions were running high and she got caught in the moment." 

"Come on dude, you and I both know that Devon doesn't seem like the type of girl who would let just any guy kiss her. May respeto siya sa sarili nya," Donny added. 

"That's another thing, Devon isn't that type of girl. I promised myself I would treat her better than those other guys, but here I am almost kissing her without even being with her yet!" I exclaimed. "Fuck guys, I shouldn't have tried to kiss her! She deserves better than that."

Devon did deserve better than that. She's the type of girl that deserves the world. I'm hoping me being an idiot didn't ruin something that I've tried so hard to cultivate and preserve. I need her in my life, even if it's only as friends. 

---

The drive home was made less awkward with Devon riding with Kisses. I couldn't really face her right now considering how embarrassed I still felt, so I was thankful that I had time to reflect on my thoughts. 

Once again, I was sitting next to Janella in the backseat. Both of us making comfortable small talk to fill up the quiet atmosphere. But then she decided to flip the conversation to make it about me and Devon. 

"You love her, don't you?" Janella asked me.

Her question caught me off-guard. I knew who she was talking about but I decided to play it cool.

"Sino?" I laughed lightly.

"Don't play coy with me. Si Devon, duh!" insisted Janella. 

"I mean I like her, I guess that's obvious, but love? I don't think so," I chuckled.

But of course I was lying and both of us knew that. I'd already fallen for her, and I'd fallen hard. 

"Stop lying to yourself Kiko and to her. Why don't you just tell her how you feel."

"Okay fine... mahal ko siya," I whispered, "but Janella, we already talked about this, this morning. Ayoko ma-ruin yung friendship namin. Mahalaga siya sa akin, and I'm not willing to risk that."

"Okay, I'll admit, I didn't think you guys would even make a perfect match. When I first met you, I thought mayabang ka. I thought that you were a player."

I mean I wasn't surprised with what she said, I knew a lot of people thought that but it didn't make the assumptions sting any less. 

"But then I got to know you from working with you, and I realised that you're not such a bad guy. And when I see you with Devon, you're completely different with her. You're entire persona is different. I know you think you're not good enough for her, but believe me, you guys are perfect together."

I knew in my heart that there was something more in my heart holding me back from pursuing her. I used to say it was primarily because I was focused on my career, but I know that it's something more than that. 

"I don't want to hurt her Janella. My luck with girls has never been the best. All my past relationships have ended in heartbreak and because I screwed up, we couldn't even be friends anymore. I can't even imagine my life without Devon, I don't care if all we'll ever be is friends because I'd rather that than lose the bond that we have forever. 

Mahal na mahal ko siya and I don't think I could ever love another girl like I love Devon. But if pursuing her will eventually mean that there is even the slightest possibility that our relationship ends up like they did with my exes, then I don't want to be with her like that. I'm okay with sacrificing my feelings to make sure that she's always in my life."

Janella gave me a sad smile in response. "I don't know if what you're doing is sad, selfless or stupid."

It's all three.

---

Author's Note:

Hellllloooooo everyone!! I sincerely apologise for updating incredibly late, but I've been suffering intense writer's block. You don't know how many times I've tried to write this chapter but I just couldn't start it. Even then this chapter isn't my best but I wanted to get something up for you guys.

I'd like to thank everyone who is reading this story and I hope you're enjoying it. Please comment, vote and share this story with you friends for the love of DevKi.

Until we meet again,

SecretLove xoxo