Speed of Sound

Chapter 15 - Help me survive the bottom

Title Credit:Tool - Bottom

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I prayed for this time to be easier. I wished that this time won't be as hard as the last time we broke up but the hole in my chest was there again. And it hurt.

His words still echo in my mind; his reply, that I loved him enough to make him love me back. Some nights, when I feel weak, those words run through my head again and again, like a broken old vinyl. And a giant "what if" is tattooed in my mind. What if he really meant it? What if he really did love me after all? What if?

At this point I would toss and turn in my bed, torturing myself with questions. It was the worst part of the day; the part where I would be most weak and vulnerable. I was trying to keep myself from sending him a message. Just an "I miss you" would do enough damage to me. I didn't know what his response would be but I broke up with him for a reason. He cheated twice. It was enough.

I pushed the sheets off of my body and got up. I threw my mobile on the couch, got my car keys, wore my sandals and left the garage. I was wearing only a tanktop and a short but it didn't care; where I was headed I didn't need to put on an outfit. I just wanted to be away from my phone.

I stopped at the red light. There was a car beside me but the sad song coming from the speakers distracted me.

"..how do you love with a faith full of rust, how do you turn what the savage take.."

I groaned and pushed play on the CD.

"..I catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have been It's your right and your ability to become my perfect enemy.."

That's more like it. 

I would rather be angry at him; fantasizing a revenge. I wouldn't go any further than I already have -sending a girl to have sex with him and report back was enough- but imagining that I could yell at him and hating made me feel better. The moment my eye caught sight of the green light the driver from the car next to mine pushed his horn. I didn't turn to see why.

As Metallica followed the previous song, I didn't hear anything else but the music as I drove to the clearing in the middle of the night. I turned off the engine but kept the music on. I hate silence.

I pushed back my seat and crossed my legs on it; leaning back. I closed my eyes and tried to lose myself in the music. I heard tires on the road behind and my eyes snapped open. Who would drive here at 3 o'clock in the morning? The first thing I did was to push down the locks. Then I turned my eyes on the review mirror to see the car. The driver had the lights on so I didn't have any luck.

The car came into a stop right next to mine and I could look at the car and the driver. I furrowed my eyebrow in confusion but in relief also. It was Damien.

I saw him getting out of the car and walking towards my door. I unlocked the door and opened it; getting out just as he came closer.

"Hey," he said and stopped behind the opened door.

"Hey," I replied, confused "What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" he asked "Its 3 o'clock in the morning!" he said.

"Who made you my dad?" I scoffed. What's with him? I sat back in my seat, my legs bended on the door frame. He came at the other side of the door, so he was now standing in front of me.

"Sorry," He apologized, seating on his lap "I just saw you at the red light and I was worried and you weren't answering your phone so I followed you," he explained while I was looking anywhere but him.