it all starts at 8:30pm
a dance
a party
meant for farewells
not for hellos
i put on a face
became someone im not
tried to fit in
tried to be the same
i saw you walk in
i didn't take much notice
and then it was 10:30pm
truth or dare
or should i say
dare or dare
we went round and round
i couldn't find a chair
i sat on the floor
in between a girls legs
"i dare you to..."
over and over
it got worse as the night went on
"don't be a wimp"
"who's down for anything?"
and then it happened
"i dare you to kiss the most attractive guy in the room"
i laughed, blushed, and turned to you
you raised your eyebrows
it was a small kiss
just a dare
but the way you put your hand
just above my hips
gently, almost nervously
although now
i know you weren't nervous
skip to 2:00am
we snuck out to the deck
the front of the ship
the stars were breathtaking
your lips were paralyzing
it was windy
i stumbled around
you wrapped your arm around me
warm, soft, and you smelled like
a memory, a good one
i couldn't take it
we sat on a bench
i started conversations
nervously stuttering
you laughed with those eyes
sparkling and innocent
it was like a movie
but movies have a twist
and this was mine
we went to someone's room
they got together with some people
we made a circle outside
"two hits before you're done"
you took such long hits
you coughed for a while after
i did the same but kept from dying
i regret that part
i regret taking two hits
within five minutes
i was gone
we walked around and laughed
eventually finding more kids
sharing the wealth
"it's getting late"
we got a room key
i had left my bag in the guys room
you laid on the bed
i sat with you, out of my mind
everything was spinning
i couldn't remember your name
i couldn't remember where i was
i went to the bathroom
i stared in the mirror
forever
i came back out to you
smiling and adorable
you were so inviting
so calm and collected
i laid down on you
we started kissing
at some point your hands
found their way to my waist
it got more intense from there
"do you want to?"
a question so easily asked
so quickly answered
so quick to forget
where i was
what i was doing
what i was agreeing to
it was too late
clothes were coming off
heat
laughing
gasps
pain
blinding pain
it got better
whispers
and then it was over
and that's when we found out
things break
4:00am
we sat at a table with people
"let's stay up"
you shook your head
we got pizza
you asked me to refill your water
though i don't remember
when you got the first one
but i obeyed
and while i was gone
i looked over
everyone was bent over the table
surrounding you
you were animatedly speaking
once i got back
everyone was normal again
i knew you were bragging
i know guys like you
but i still didn't believe my instincts
i let it go
you walked me to my room
one last kiss
one last hug
and then you were gone
8:00am
getting off the boat was hell
we were waiting on an elevator
your family walked in
i smiled at you
you smiled back
that goddamn smile
your family got into the elevator
you waved a small, secret wave
and i blushed and looked down
8:30am
i'm walking off the boat
i'm searching desperately for you
i know you're close
we walk out of customs
finally i see you
too far
you're too far
and you turn right
when i had turned left
and that's the last i saw
of the beautiful blond boy
with his flannel
his camera
his glasses
his aesthetic
that i so easily fell for
that i try so hard to forget
12 hours
that was all it took
for me to want to rip myself apart
for me to want to forget everything
for me to want to die
again
