For Milady

FORTY: The Empty Chair

FORTY: The Empty Chair

Astrid slept very badly, her conscience kicking her hard and frequently as she tossed and turned alone in the bed. The soft breathing and occasional murmur of her daughter was the only sound, with Hiccup and Toothless absent-and she found the silence unnerving. And even a fretting Val was a relief as she was able to focus on her daughter for a few minutes...until she dropped back to sleep, leaving Astrid with her guilt once more.

She was used to getting her own way, her natural competitiveness and assuredness making her very determined in any argument-and she had exploited her position as Hiccup's new wife in bringing Garff back, knowing he wouldn't yell at her in front of the others, as he sometimes did with the others when necessary. And she had been so smug in winning the argument, she hadn't considered what consequences her actions had on Hiccup. Undermined and landed with an untrained dragon on a very dangerous mission in the heart of enemy territory, Hiccup had stood no chance in successfully completing the mission. His plan was blown out of the air in the first two minutes and there had been no retrieving it as the whole mission spiralled into disaster, saved only by chance and Fishlegs. The twins' and Snotlout's usual snarking had all been mercilessly directed at Hiccup and for once, he hadn't handled it with his usual equanimity.

Because, of course, a lot had happened since he had last led them on a mission-including his loss of his father, his position, his Tribe and home. He had endured captivity and torture, hostility, disappointment after disappointment and utter fear that she was captured by Hunters. And in his desperation, he had committed heinous crimes in attacking the Hunter ships that still haunted him. And now, back with his friends acting as if nothing had happened, he was much more aware of his responsibilities and the safety of his friends and his family. And he was right: being the leader of the Riders was all he had left.

She stared at the roof of the hut-Hiccup's hut, destroyed when he had left to chase her, when she hadn't listened to him again, hadn't trusted him to sort it out as he had promised. And as a result, he had been tortured and hurt, he had lost everything and he had suffered agonies in imagining she was dead or hurt. They still would have left-but they would have left together.

Do I never listen to him? Is he right? Am I so stubborn and wilful that I only do what I want?

She knew it wasn't true because she was a good Viking, a respected young warrior and always did what needed to be done.

So is it just with Hiccup that I ignore my leader and do my own thing?

No, I usually do what he asks, even if it means partnering Snotlout. Ugh.

But he felt this was important and what I did ignored everything he said and it almost cost us all, our dragons and Garff our lives. And I didn't apologise. Even when he was clearly upset, I didn't apologise. I didn't follow him. I did nothing to make him feel better or show I was sorry.

What is wrong with me?

But she knew. She had run and she had known he would follow. She had waited for him to follow and then flown off when he didn't come immediately, knowing he would eventually come. She had prayed for him to come when she needed him most and, against all probability, he had. He had been amazing and supportive when she gave birth. He had danced attendance on her, doing everything she had asked without complaint or argument. And when she asked for something for her or her daughter, he had done it immediately.

I have got used to him just doing what I want without taking into account what he says or what he wants. I've treated him like a serf!

Thor, that sounds horrible. And it has clearly really upset him.