Undecided (Unedited)

Second glance

I stare at my desk . I've been sitting here for the past three hours straight  ,my brain is numb . I've been trying to write something ,anything but nothing flows . I can't do it anymore and now I have an hour to get ready .
There are so many crushed ,ripped, tossed and forgotten pieces of paper lying around with a title or a stanza even two but their all useless  . Their just words .

" Okay one last try ,come on inner me you can do this ", I tell myself .

I look at this blank piece of paper in front of me and I pick up my  pen .

Result
The equation of life
Never set with the correct values
Its an error waiting to happen
No formula discovered

Okay no. Screw this . I stand from chair and walk to the bathroom and freshen up . I put a black jean and a black baseball jacket .
When I'm done I look at my watch and I have ten minutes to spear.
I pick up all the papers and I throw them in the bin and I go downstairs where my sister sits in front of the television and my mother is cooking up a storm in the kitchen.
" Are you headed somewhere ?",she asks wiping her hands to remove some oily  grease .
"Just poetry night with Mrs . Santos
I'll be back soon though"

"Is she picking you up ?"

"Yes "

After that there's an awkward silence . Reminds me of a time where we never stayed silent but somehow over the years we grew distant like two boats drifting .

The sound of a car caught my attention .
"I think that's her ,bye " I said as I walked to the door and out .
A breeze swept by causing goose bumps to spring to life on my covered skin . It was unnaturally cold .
I  made my way to the car and she stared driving in silence .
The street lights illuminated the houses and the stars shimmered brightly .
"Are you ready ?", she asked

No. I don't have a poem to perform ,I ditched homework for this and I feel like crap ...so no I'm not ready ...

" Yes "

"Don't get nervous ,I know you can do it "

I  smiled at her but my smile faded as quickly as I tried pushing it onto my lips.

So to answer why I'm here ,its because one day I decides to write a poem at the back of my English book and then on that special day Mrs. Santos found it and she showed it to every staff member . It didn't matter of course until the whole school started calling me Shakespeare's "dark lady" since I write "amazing sonnets" . Now she uses my "poem" as an example and it even made it to a control test once or twice for the seniors . So far I'm a legend except the seniors hate me because it was so hard to analyse and most of them failed . Long story short I'm keeping low profile for a very long time .

"We're here", she says with shriek of excitement that she can't hide .

We walk into the hall and it's packed with so many people .
Oh no ,I think I'm gonna vomit .
As we walk to our seats the lights get dim and the stage lights come to life .

" Welcome to the youth poetry night " ,says a man I have never met. "My name is Jerrold Desmond and I'm your host . And with out further or due we call on Wesley Perse to begin ."
As everyone applauds a young teenage boy walks up the stage with shaking hands ,his thick lensed glasses threaten to fall off his pale face as his eyes shift around the room . I'm scared he'll fall off  and break his face .

As he begins speaking I don't bother listening because he's speaking too soft and his nervousness is just going to make me nervous.
I should be thinking of what I'm going to be saying when I get there .

Come on Rose think ...

"Can I go to the bathroom ?", I whisper to Mrs.Santos .

" Of course ,just following the signs outside the entrance doors."

I nod and I walk out quietly.
The entrance is quiet and very few people roam around .
I walk following the arrows that keep pointing towards the bathrooms .
After what feels like an hour I reach the female bathrooms that have a huge letter F on the door . I push the door and I get inside . Even the bathrooms are silent .
I stare at the mirror and I rub my hands on my face in attempt to wake myself up .
I hear a toilet flush and it frightens me causing me to jump but I calm myself .

Damn nerves

The stall opens and someone walks out I don't pay attention but when she walks past me again after washing her hands I take second glance at her again and just then her eyes meet mine .

"Hey ", she says

Her voice sounds brand new . I'm taken aback and as I continue to stare at her ,I can't comprehend why its so hard to simply respond to her .
I blink once,twice and then thrice .
Speak idiot
I've never felt like this before . A warmth rising in my chest . Her green eyes trap me .

" Are you okay ",she says .

" Ah, yes . h-hey " ,I finally say .

She giggles and turns to the door and heads out.

I stare at my reflection .
The girl in the mirror gives me a disapproving look .
"Oh please , its not like that ", I say to her but the words slid off the mirror just as quick and her eyes still condemn me .
I shake my head .
No way
I splash water on my face and wipe it .
I look at the mirror but the girl in the mirror still gives me that look .
You like her ...,she whispers in my ear .
I saw her at second glance ...