Undecided (Unedited)

aftermath

It has been months and things were going well between me and Haley. Today we were going out for ice cream and maybe a walk after . As I began to dry my hair I noticed that I should get it cut again. I wore a maroon jacket and pants . After styling my hair I headed out and as planned she was waiting for me at the corner wearing a beautiful floral dress and sandals.
"You look nice ", I teased

" Not as nice as you . Come on let's go "

She took my hand in hers and we started walking to the best ice cream shop . Today was partly cloudy and the sun was out . The birds had sung songs of nature in the morning and the sun kissed my eyes inviting me to the new day that had began . I'd been planning our little date for a while. Haley looked beautiful today and I couldn't wait to tell her .
I probably shouldn't even be thinking about it but sometimes the world stops spinning and time moves slow ,the space around us becomes coloured with neon lights like auroras in the night . I happen to be loving a dream and even when reality starts becoming a dream and the dream a reality I can't seem to get over the fact that we are together and how every time I look into her eyes I begin to experience something brand new .The  asphyxiating pressure of homosexual pleasure. You must think I'm crazy . But maybe you don't love like I do . Its something that's different . I know there at moments when we're stolen by the fears and threats that come with our relationship. Its considered bad ,a taboo ,evil and even blasphemy but all I know is that what feel happens to be love . And maybe I was never meant to love like the whole  world wants me to but unfortunately I can't help myself.
I have tried to understand when love could have a style or a set of practiced rules. I began wonder when God created love to be a weapon to shoot down others who love . Its like an unpractical maize  ,one you'll never win . I remember at church they used to preach about how God loved the world so much He gave up his only Son. Now I don't know because no one seems to remember that line all they know is that got didn't make Eve and Eve or Adam and Adam. Its selfish that love has conditions when all the church preaches is unconditional love. Funny how the church tells you not to judge when they turn they're back on you. But when homophobia exists so freely even in the church I don't even know what to think . Is love only applicable to a set kind of people and acceptance is for the empty ones who seem to be walking robots that happen to praise and worship  society because somehow everyone missed the memo. Is it okay that sin has a unique measure. You can murder someone but being homosexual is as good as being the devil himself . It breaths them . The thought of perfection. So when I look at my girlfriend I smile . I let the world now that no matter what I am never going to give into the artificial god that society has built for themselves .

"What are you thinking about ?", Haley asks curiously.

I look into her eyes with so much admiration ," You "

She shake her head and looks ahead as we approach the shop but I know she was trying to hide her reddening cheeks . There will come a time when we will no longer hide from anyone ever again.

"Good day. Welcome Chocolate fever .  What can I get y'all ?", said a woman with a kind smile.

" Can we get  chocolate muse and ...",Haley looked at me .

"I'll have the same thing "

"Two chocolate muses please "

After we settled down and started eating she says, "Does your mom know ?"

"Know what ?", I ask .

" That you're not straight "

I shake my head .

"I was thinking of telling my parents "

I look at her skeptically ," Are you sure about that ?"

"Yeah I mean I think I've hid it away from them long enough . Next year we'll be going off to college or varsity and maybe its about time I tell them.  "

"Do you know how they feel about the subject ?"

"Not really ,they barely ever had a conversation about it with me . Honestly they didn't even have the 'sex talk ' with me  . "

I laughed and she joined me . "Not even 'the talk ' . Haven't you ever asked the awkward question ;where do babies come from "

"I have "

"And ..."

"My mom gave me the same answer she gives me to everything I ask her that's a bit 'awkward'. She said ;'Haley babies come from God no where else ' and religion is pretty much the answer to everything ."

"If we ever decide to get children you're not doing that to my babies ", I pretended to be scolding and she was laughing to the point of tears.

"The only bad influence would be you really ", she jokes .

I laugh at her remark but when I feel a tap on my shoulder I turn around and see Wesley .

" Wesley ",I said a bit awkwardly because I hadn't thought I'd see him ," What are you doing here ?"

"Hello to you too Rose ", he smiled but I couldn't return the smile ,I was too shooketh . " Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend "

"Uh ,this is Haley .Haley this is Wesley "

They shook hands ."So you run away from me after I pour out my feelings for you "

"I didn't run . "

"Of course not . Call me", and with that he leaves and as he steps toward the door I being to wonder how I'm going to begin telling Haley that after she'd told me she loved me I went out on a date with Wes over there ....Oh My Goodness