Undecided (Unedited)

slipped

Of course the library is quiet and almost empty.  I walk inside with my heart shaking . I feel like the I'm approaching the lion's den ,playing with fire and hoping not to get burnt ,standing on the edge of a building while looking at the long way down with no one to catch me if I fall . I pull a chair out and take a seat .
"Shakespeare had 156 sonnets and most of them were all to a man whose identity was unknown ", I heard her whisper bushing her lips against my ear slightly . Her hand leaning on my shoulder.
I turned around and she nodded towards the door so I followed.
When we stood outside the building.  Isolated from sound ,noise and highly annoying teenagers she stopped.

I saw her green eyes first and a smile spread across my face.
" So you like sonnets and stealing people's numbers ?",I joked laughing.

She looks down before bringing her eyes to meet mine .
"No , I like sonnets and stealing your numbers . I didn't steal them per say . I subconsciously found myself looking up your name on the internet and stubbled on an account . You should hide your personal details ,someone bad might come and steal them ", she laughs and then I pause . I'd never heard a melody like that .

" You know staring is rude ",she states her eyes full of amusement

" And I'm naturally rude so I don't mind ",I say .

She tilts her head to the side . She moves towards me and I move back .
She had a mischievous smile on her face and when my back meets the wall she laughs.

She moves her head close to mine . Lips only centimeters away as her breath brushes my skin causing goosebumps . I look into her eyes.  I don't think she sees the storm in my eyes . Her lips touch mine and I drown deep and fast . Too fast to catch my breath . I melt like rock under hot lava . It knocks me senseless .

Your parents would kill you...

I place my hands on her shoulders and attempt to shove her back but she doesn't budge but probably because every part of my body grows weaker under her touch . I try again and this time she gets the message discontinuing the kiss.

" I can't do this ." ,I turn from her so my body won't betray me .

"Why?" ,she says defeated .

I don't know ...so many reasons that I  just don't know how to put into words.

'"Because ... I just can't ",I'm shaking ,my body is shaking with despair . I walk away from her .
This is too much for one to handle.  A fear of  the obvious conclusion is what I fear most . I rush to the bathroom . I don't look back to see her face or hear her call out my name .
I pull the bathroom door open and I see Stefanie who is looking at herself in the mirror and now she sees me and smile's .

Not now... Not now just make it stop.

" oh hey I've been looking for you ",she says taking her eyes back to the mirror. I pass by her and mumble ," I don't feel well " and she passes me a confused look and then concern .
"What's wrong ?", she questions .
I close the toilet stall's door and she knocks like a mad woman .

I ignore it until I loose it ," Stay out ,Stefan . I'm fine !" ,I yell with so much harshness .

I crawled to the ground and tears fall out my eyes . I pull my hair backwards. So much frustration bubbling and the only thing I want is her and it scares me .
I shake my head and mentally scold myself .
"Get up ,you're not fixing anything "

I breath out and work towards taming my shaking hands . I stand on my feet and put my hands on the wall .

"Stop crying !"

I close my eyes shut hard and breath again. I wipe the tears from my eyes and I can tell there's no one in the bathroom.  I walk out and head to class .

I wasn't listening unfortunately. The teacher kept teaching but there was nothing I could not hear a thing .
My head sounded like a gunshot going off every time over and over and over . I was numb . My heart only beat with fear ,I was lost.
It felt like someone was breaking my soul  but it wasn't someone it was me.
I had slipped off that building with no intention to be caught but then it happened.  I dropped into her arms . An unexpected hero so now I don't know what I can do to reverse time .

*
When I get home its silent ,not even the television is on .
My mother steps out of her bedroom and she approaches me .Eyes red and puffy as she sniffs her tears back but she fails as they slip off her cheeks .
I rush towards her and pull her into a hug .
"What's wrong, mama?" ,I whisper,my voice so tender .

She begins to speak between her tears and crying ," He died ,baby "
I'm confused as fear rests in my heart and I feel as though fear is becoming comfortable in my heart .
"Who?", I say but it's almost inaudible .
She shakes further as tears flow .
" Who mom ,who died ",I say louder feeling the suspense kill me.

" Your father ",she says finally .

" What",I whisper.

My heart drops as the world stands still . Tears bite my eyes but they dare not fall .I'm shocked .  A giggles slips my lips and soon enough my tears threaten .My mom looks at me ,she breaks down when she sees my tears .
I sniff them back and close my eyes before opening them and walking to my room and shutting the door.
I head to the mirror .

I'm confronting the girl in the mirror...