Unconsciously Mine

Chapter 04

The conversations started taking place which was kind of unexpected. Butterflies started taking their flight and a blush bloomed through my cheeks making their appearance during the course of our conversations.

There came a hi to which I lost replies. Is it the right decision to reply back  to a complete stranger with whom I share a mutual. Which way it would lead me to ? Would it make me rise from sorrows or push me into complete darkness. Maybe I was over analysing things . Gosh , someone help me with my intuitions cause its surely going to drive me insane one day. Maybe its not a bad idea to discover a new person. Maybe I would cherish this decision. 

After hours of overthinking and the game of "What If's" , I forced my fingers to type a reply which went against all my social restrictions. O' there it went, my heart started running a race, my palms so sweaty . I know I was over reacting but that's how I can define the very moment.

And the conversation began with him asking all sorts of questions and formality lacing the tone of my replies. The situation was very awkward but it gave me a welcoming  feeling.

As awkwardness started creeping in, formality reached the peak. Suddenly he questioned, "Why are you being formal ? Be free, we're friends and yeah you would never  disturb me" and that somehow bought a smile to my face.

Days, months passed and the roots of our conversations grew deep. I became aware of his routine, his sleeping hours, his likes and dislikes, his eating patterns. Everything about him seemed so perfectly drafted. I became more accustomed to his schedule than to mine. Every morning I would wake up with a hope that his message rings my inbox. And it did. O' boy you don't have a slightest clue about what you're doing to me.  

But I am missing a major part in this scene of rainbows and sunshines ?

I didn't even tried discussing about this new guy to my best friend. Cause if any problem arises regarding the new fairy-tale I am living, he will guide me to the best of my belief.  But a part of me didn't wanted to. Anyhow he came to know to about our new friend through a group conversation. 

There started a game of blaming and being hideous. His temper flew , he didn't accepted my new friendship with the person he was previously friends with. There was banalty in his expression of happiness and seething look were exchanged at the mention of his name. It somehow least affected me cause everytime I tried to focus on this situation , my mind would drift back to how crazily driven I was by his personality. I started living in my own parallel universe and would hardly participate in our actual conversations. This world of him and his conversations  were far more soothing and I started preferring it over everything else.

I couldn't resist his charm, the way he talked, the way he cracked those lame jokes which I was never in favour of , suddenly became my favourite part and I couldn't help but smile at how foolish I was being at that time or am I still the same ?

Sometimes my bestie's words would cloud my mind , "It is all about his looks, you're just infatuated. No its not love, its lust. This is a decision you will regret, you have taken the wrong path. Do not come running to me for the light when you get lost in his darkness. I won't be there and there would be no possible escape from his trap. Get out from the fantasy and look through the truth that stands before you."

Was it all about his looks ? The answer would always be a big NO. There were far more beautiful abstracts as to why I am being so submissive to him. If it is the darkness that would draw me near to him , then, I will never look for light. If this is all a trap, I would gladly accept my fate. If I am living a fantasy , I would like to stay for bit longer everytime you try to pull me out of it. I may sound crazy but he got to understand this is what I want . Even if this leads me to some sort of regret , I would love to give it a shot. I don't want to regret for not even giving it a try. I would go for it even if it means fighting with my bestie for a hundred of times. 

I did let go of certain people in my life with fear of rejection. Not this time, no I won't do the same with him, I won't let fear take over me. Even if this would lead to rejection I would be at peace, a kind of satisfaction of giving my fantasy wings to fly, of breaking this roof of fear and soaring high into the sky. 

o' boy I am ready to swim oceans for you, but, will you even climb the bridge for me ?

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Thank you for reading. This is my first try so please do support and let me know your opinions !!

LOVE,

Rida Mushtaq.