Unconsciously Mine

Chapter - 10

And there I go again, fighting a lost battle. I let go of my friend, the rope that held  us together for so long got weak somewhere. He slipped out of my hands like sand and so did our friendship into dark slumber. The vow of being together , our secrets, our weakness laid buried in the past. The new present bought us nothing but a handful of sorrow. The two best friends were now living a formality.

The blackmails got pretty ugly, the suicidal attempts got me intimidated. My thoughts couldn't process and I could not let him be all on his own. Though it was over, every string plucked out, my heart couldn't  bear the thought of him ending in a serious condition. 

"Do not do this to me girl, I've always loved you more than he ever can."

"I cannot live a lie neither give you false hope my friend. We can never be more than friends , after all that you've done."

"I cannot live with the thought of him having you. Please don't let me go, hold on to me, I'll change for you. Just , for the love of God , just don't go to him."

"Boy I love him , I cannot let go of him so easily."

"I am warning you, if you leave me, I'll harm myself or end my life somehow. I want you to be with me, be mine." 

"I cannot do that , I am so sorry."

"He doesn't love you my girl, I know him very well. He'll use you cause that's what he's been doing since many years. You were an easy target for him. The day he'll get to taste you would be the day he'll leave you. Go if you want but mark my words for when he leaves you , I'll be there to catch while you fall,"

"Do not speak ill of him. He'll never do that. I trust him, I do trust him with all my heart. He'll never do anything that will bring a scar to my reputation. He always had and will always have pure intentions for me, unlike you."

"Oh I see, he's more important to you than me. A year's love is more important to you than a five year old friend, a friend who was there for you through your thick and thins. I get this completely, his beauty has got you charmed. A beauty which overvalues my heart and my love for you."

"You've got that wrong, I never loved him for his beauty." I cried, "You will always have a special place in my heart."

"If I do then why don't you let that place capture your heart? Why don't you give me a chance to prove  myself to you? Please , I beg you , for once let me in" He cried on the other side of the call, "You will , won't you ? "

"O'boy , I cannot leave him, please don't do that to me."

"You are an ungrateful bitch and girls like you end up nowhere."

The line went dead and so my strength to keep my sword swinging through the battle. I bought a knife to a gun fight and I see my end somewhere. I curled up in a ball , my hands holding both my arms as my nails dug deep into my flesh, a hot stream of blood made its way out from the fresh wound the night just rewarded me with.

Tears shed in the blood of the night,

Where lays someone's love and someone's pride.

With bleeding feet I walked on his blade of the knife,

Oh how easily you cut my soul into five.

I could feel my heart racing but I feel so numb, so lifeless. The mobile screen lights up and I see his message. O' Love , look what I have done, I fought the battle leading to you and now I'm scared with wounds I'll never be able to forget. But I'm on the verge of giving up. Lend me your arm and save me through the night. 

For some reasons you seemed unbelievably foreign to me, my mind restricted me from seeking your help and so did my heart. It's like they don't want to cling on to your arm anymore, it's like the shoulder I always had is nowhere in sight, it's like I've to fight my demons alone till darkness start to occupy me.

I let out a muffled scream and let sleep take over. I need rest for the war awaiting.

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Love, 

Rida Mushtaq