Unconsciously Mine

Chapter - 08

When I thought I am on the bad side of the situation and things couldn't get any worse, only to find it has gotten worst and I couldn't help but see my walls crumbling down down down. The Lies I kept feeding my soul has now poisoned my mind. I have started overthinking about things that don't matter much. I have started being more reserved. I keep pondering about the things and situations I wanted to tell you but hey what right do I have to involve you in  situations you don't want to know about in the first place. Isn't it strange that he may know so much bout me yet know nothing about me. With a cigar in my hand , the smoke rising up reminds me of the time when all this  never happened, the time when I was so happy without your existence but I am happy with you by my side and if I were to walk on the thin line between happiness without you or happiness with you I'll always go by your side no matter how fatal the fall may prove. 

You made me realize that a part of me can be poetess , you made me realize how beautifully I can paint darkness with words, you made me realize that all beautiful creation are fragile and you are meant to live with the constant fear of it crashing to pieces, just like my dreams of watching you in blood and flesh so warm yet so cold.

You told me about the friends you've lost , the lives that gave up their fight in your arms and how your  tears rained on your pillow. You told about the scars you hide , the battles you lost but never gave up. 

Yes boy you cause me pain, a lot of pain. You make my mind dig its grave , there's fire burning in my bones. You made me realize I have my own demons , the ones that made me love every inch of darkness I am dwelling in. 

I let out the smoke with a sigh as I kept thinking about you. O' boy I am so helplessly and painfully in love with you. How I love my  misery and the joy that comes along with it. Look  how you prove to be my biggest strength and strongest weakness. How your pain made my eyes welled up in tears and how you joy makes me happy , how your achievements makes me proud. Boy even if you don't want to end up with me , I'll always stand by your side and will always wish you the world's happiness.

I let the cigar die. I know my friend won't ever accept this, no matter how many reasons I give him to assure that he is the one I would love to spend my time with, how precious that gem is to me. He says that I am living a toxic relationship, submitting myself to a relationship that doesn't exist, to a person who will never acknowledge my efforts , my love cause I am just among the many for him. He says you aren't a good person and you will always be the cause of my pain. He says you are a womanizer and I always put up a fight against him. My soul's tired and mind so empty, it's like  I am losing my capability to think.

I can clearly see the pure hatred he holds for you my love, the way he wants me to turn against you. But my love I have and always trust you even if they are lies not because my mind says so but because my heart believes in you and I hope you keep my trust safe with you.

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Love,

Rida Mushtaq.