Unconsciously Mine

Chapter 06

The night is swiftly slipping into darkness and the thought of confessing to him made my stomach do somersaults. The breeze making its way through the window made my body shiver with fear, fear of rejection waiting the path I will be walking on next morning. I wish I could let the confession wait. But the longer the wait, the deeper the scar. 

Hey wait ! Why I am being so pessimist . The results might be positive too. What if he accepts my confession ? What if he accepts me ? I need to take it easy on my nerves, its just a confession , not the end of the world. You will get through this girl. 

I tried giving my brain a short break but to no avail. My eyes begged to be closed but I could not clear the sliding scenario that is yet to happen. My breathing changed patterns at intervals, sometimes pacing sometimes just a calm wave. It felt like I am already loosing control of my actions. Will the next morning bring in a ray of hope or push me into a dark slumber. 

I kept listing out every possibility until exhaustion took over me completely. I could barely keep myself awake. I sighed and let sleep take over ,hoping for the best.

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The rays of the sun was always jealous with the love I have for the darkness. The beams came flashing through the curtains, disturbing the depth of my sleep, the very sleep I wasn't able to get hold of a few hours ago. Forcing my eyes to respond to the exposure , my head ached from all the brainstorming session I was having last night. My heart paced again and sweat lined my brow.

Silence started engulfing the space I was breathing in. I could feel each and every second passing. Just the thought of confessing to him turned my world upside down. I hope my wall is strong enough to keep up with the storm that is yet to come.

I pushed my body from the bed, did my morning routine and lazily slipped into the chair in front of my screen. Here it goes, may lord help me with this. 

I thought of excuses to avoid the confession for the day. Maybe this isn't for today, maybe later. The screen appeared bright and my chances of pushing the confession to some other day nearly dull. He was online and so was my anxiety right now. I battled with my conscious about typing the perfect message to start the conversation. Oh but that wasn't long. I received a message from him. 

My palms were ice cold but sweat embraced my forehead. Go girl, its just a confession  , you will be alright. Just be true to your feelings. 

I tried holding  a normal conversation with him, asking about all the normal stuff I could make up at the very moment. No longer he sensed the strangeness lacing my conversation and there came the question I dreaded to answer. 

Him - "Are you alright ? You seem a little strange today ?"

 Me - "Yeah I am completely fine, why did you ask ?"

Him - "No there is something different about you. Do you want to talk about something ?"

At that moment , my breathing got deeper and a lump formed in my throat. I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh. This is it , now or never.

Him - "Hey do you want to say something to me ? You know I am always there for you."

Me - "Yes I know and yeah I do want to tell you something."

I could hear my beats dancing to a mad fast rhythm. It felt like it would explode any moment. 

Him - " Why are you hesitating, what is it ?"

I am hesitating boy because that is something you are not ready to hear and you are something I am not ready to lose.

Me - " There is something on my mind for a long time and I want you to know about it cause it concerns you. My dear I don't know when it occurred to me that I like you a lot more than a friend. I don't know if this is right and how you will react to my confession but I need to get this off my chest. I love you, my dear and you are so important to me. Your smile is so precious to me and a day without you feels so empty. You somehow complete me. I am sorry!"

I don't know why I apologised for my feelings. Maybe cause it wasn't just right for me to have them ? The message was seen and I couldn't get my eyes off the screen. It felt that the word stopped rotating and the time freeze in its track . The silence took my breath in that moment. No reply, no reaction. I already started regretting my decision. Only if I wouldn't have confessed , I would have saved my friendship. I ruined everything. The stupid confession, these stupid feelings.

I felt numb. This is it. This was the end of the fairytale that never started. Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes. 

Me - "I am sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

There came a reply, a little surprising , a little unexpected.

Him - "I always knew you felt like that. You don't need to apologise. I knew you would change your feelings for me and so I kept myself a little distant. You were true to your feelings and so you shouldn't feel sorry about it because that is the most important thing about life, being true to oneself. The only thing that bothered me was that you might take a wrong step and I don't want you to walk the path of regret for the rest of your life."

I was in awe and my admiration for him increased more than ever. Yes tears were on the verge but it was out of love and not regret. How could I ever be able to let go of this gem I found ?

Him - "I would never let you fall into the wrong arms, I will always guide you through thick and thin. No matter the obstacle , I will always be there to catch you in your fall. You are my pride, someone I will hold close to my heart."

I couldn't help  but stare at the beauty of the moment in front of me. I never felt such joy in all these years. He not only accepted my confession and proved my fears wrong but gave me a hope that will shine even in the absence of the source of light. 

Me - "I do not have words to express my gratitude. I will always cherish your memories and you. I will be there through your rise and fall , nothing can take these feelings away. I love you."

Him - " O my dear, you need to rest or your little self will wear out from all the restlessness. Just remember , I will always be there for you, a shoulder to cry on and a hand to cling on. Bye my dear."

I couldn't not help but chuckle at his remark and my eyes shone with pride.

Me - "Bye, take care."

The screen went blank but the conversation kept playing and his words kept swaying through my mind. Only if I could lock this moment forever.

Yes this was the end, but the end of a phase, a chapter. Tomorrow is the beginning of the new story I will be living. It isn't going to be a bed of roses but what good is a book without twist and turns.

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Thank you for reading, hope you like this chapter. 

please do vote and comment and let me know your opinions.

Love,

Rida Mushtaq.