Royal Temptations

Chapter 20

So, this is chapter 20. Kind of hard to believe huh?

Well hot damn. I wasn't going to post this chapter until I was completely done with chapter 27, but this story reached a thousand reads, unbeknownst to me. Holy crap guys. Thank you so much.

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Junmyeon's POV

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I awoke this morning with the same heart-wretching feeling I had two years ago, all for the same reason. Yixing was leaving today. And even if I hadn't spent every waking moment with him, I was dreading it all the same. I didn't want him to leave. Not again. It was like I was sixteen again, experiencing it all for the first time. Feeling the way my stomach clenched at the thought of watching him walk out our doors. Feeling my heart ache at the thought of losing him all over again.

I pulled him closer to myself, holding onto him for dear life. I buried my face in his hair. I felt tears stinging my eyes once again. I knew he was going back, yet I was still getting emotionally worked up. And for no good reason. Yixing wasn't mine. He never really was. But it still felt heart breaking to basically lose him a second time, and I couldn't control it this time either. I couldn't lose him again, no matter how much my mind said it didn't matter.

I loved him far too much for that to make a difference anyway.

Yep. If this whole week had done one thing, it was let me finally come to test with what was going on to me. Even if I suspected it before, it was now painfully obvious. I loved him. I always had. It was stupid of me to try and hide that feeling away. But now it was far too late. He was going to go home to Ying Yue, and in four months he was getting married. Any effort I put in now would all be for nothing. I was too late. The person I loved most in the world would never be mine.

"Junmyeon." An alarmed voice punctured the silence. "Junmyeon, hey, it's okay," Yixing continued, switching our positions so he was hugging me close. I buried my face in his chest in an attempt to stifle the sobs wracking my body. "Junmyeon, what's wrong?" he asked as calmly as he could manage, his fingers gliding through my hair. "What's going on."

"I love you," I managed to choke out, and his fingers stilled. "I love you so much Xing. Fuck." I squeezed my eyes shut, but the wetness still leaked out. "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you this sooner, and I'm sorry it's now, but I had to tell you." I took a ragged breath, hoping it would calm me down. But the tears only immediately formed again. "I love you Yixing." Two years worth of pent up feelings were finally spilling over. "I love you, I love you, I love you..."

We both laid in silence as I finally managed to calm myself down. I swallowed lung fulls of air, my breath coming out in ragged gasps. I still couldn't look at him, even when I'd returned to normal. Through this whole thing he'd been silent. I wondered what he thought. He did hold me tight as I cried though, never once letting go. When I finally did muster up the courage to glance up at him, I wasn't all that surprised to see his eyes shiney, visible tear tracks on his cheeks. I took a deep breath.

"I love you too," he finally responded. "So, so much. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things, but mostly I'm sorry I didn't say it to you sooner than this." I risked another glance up. He looked far away. "And I'm really sorry for everything you're feeling now. You shouldn't be feeling it."

"I only do because I care about you," I answered, glancing down, grabbing a fistful of blanket in frustration. "But it doesn't even matter, does it? All of this, everything we're saying, it's all for nothing." He flinched, and all I could do was sigh again. "I knew falling in love all over again was never going to be good. But I did it anyway."

"I'm sorry," he replied, placing a kiss to my forehead. "I'm sorry. I don't know what else to tell you Junnie." My nickname still sounded so wonderful falling from his lips. "I can apologize to you over and over until I'm blue in the face, but it doesn't change anything." And that was the bitter truth. That no matter what we did or what we said, nothing would change. "I really wish I would've voiced that sooner. Or figured it out sooner. Something. Anything." He scooted down so we were face to face.