Let Me Feel Again ~ Steve x Bucky

A Modern Life

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am a mess of emotions, don't read too much fanfic kids. I have Also been watching every Marvel movie I own, send help. Also, yes, I know that Bucky has been around the modern world quite a bit, but do you think he'd really have the time to get to know normal people technology as the Winter Soldier? Anywho, Enjoy the train wreck that this probably is.

Third person pov

"Hey Steve?!" Bucky shouted through the apartment, "Help me out here!"
Steve wandered into the living room where Bucky stared at the television with a rather confused expression.

"What's the matter, Buck?" Steve questioned, trying not to smile.

Bucky looked up at Steve with the most helpless expression he had ever seen, "How do you watch films on this thing?"

Steve let out a small chuckle as he took the remote from his friend's hand, "Let me show you."

Steve held the remote up to his lips as Bucky watched his every move, "F.R.I.D.A.Y, play Monty Python and the Holy Grail," he paused as the television responded to his voice, "I think you'll like the jokes in this one. Tony showed me this a while ago."

"How did you ever get used to this?" Bucky huffed.

"It took a while, and some things still surprise me. But ultimately I learned that a lot of the tech really helps with everyday things," Steve replied as the movie started, "now ssshhhh, the movie's starting."

For the first time in a long time, Bucky found himself in fits of laughter with his best friend. However, it just didn't feel right. His laughter felt wrong, not real, like something fabricated in a lab.

Just like you, right? A voice taunted from his mind, Just like everything you are, fabricated and fake. Your happiness isn't real, it's merely forced to make your friends happy. Now you feel the need to know that everyone else is happier than you, but you'll never let them know that you're in pain.

Bucky knew the voice was right, he'd never want to tell Steve or Tasha or Tony or Sam that he couldn't feel. He'd never want to tell them that he spent every waking moment of his life wanting to die for everything he's done. He'd never want to say how much he hurt. He would just keep pretending that everything was fine.

After the movie was over, Steve stood up, "Been a while since we had a day like that."

"Yeah, just like old times," Bucky replied with a small smile.

Steve exhaled slightly through his nose, "Dinner?"

Later that night, as Bucky was getting ready for bed, Steve knocked on the door. Bucky, who normally sleeps in the nude, slipped on a pair of sweats before opening the door.

"Hey Buck..." Steve  said as he turned a light pink and averted his eyes, "you could've said you were half naked."

"Good lord Steve, it's just my upper half, nothin you haven't seen before," Bucky smirked. He moved put of the way and let Steve step in, "What do you want, punk?"

"I, uh, I have something that might help you sleep," Steve stammered as he held up a small device.

"What's it do?" Bucky inquired as he took it from Steve's hand.

"It plays music. Made by psychologists, it detects what kind of dream you're having and adjusts the music to fit. It helped me a lot when I came out of the ice," Steve explained.

Bucky turned the device over in his hand, "Thank you, Steve."

The device helped a little. Bucky went from thrashing and screaming in his sleep to total sleep paralysis and silence. By the time he had woken up in the morning, he was still exhausted.