Let Me Feel Again ~ Steve x Bucky

A Surprise

"Alright Mr. Barnes, your meds seem to be working rather well from what you're telling me. So, I think it's rather appropriate to clear you for combat," The doctor said as he finished his exam, "and from what your therapist is telling me, you have become a lot more open and social as of late. Keep it up!"

I nodded and shook his hand, "Just make sure you are cautious on missions and you continue to have discussions with Dr. Wright. Have a good rest of your day Sergeant Barnes."

"Will do," I replied, slipping on my leather jacket as I walked out the door. The doctors had recently cleared me to drive on my own, so as a celebration, Steve bought me a new bike. On bad days, riding around was a good way to clear my head.

As of late, I had been thinking of Steve more and more. Mostly in innocent ways, but some days were... "harder" to say the least. It had been almost two months since we had started dating, and I know it's thinking a bit fast, but I can't help but feel a lustful need when I see him sometimes.

Christmas is in a month... the lust in my mind started.

What's your point? I asked skeptically.

Surprise him with something sexy!

I barely know how to be romantic, how do you expect me to be sexy?

Talk to Tasha, she's gotta know a thing or two.

Not an option, that would be too awkward. It's weird that you even considered that.

We're horny and desperate, these are last resort thoughts, alright!?

Fine, but we aren't talking to Nat about this.

Whatever, just figure it out.

It's not like I'm not experienced, I've had to seduce and/or have sex with targets before killing them, male and female. So, while it's not the most romantic way of getting experience, it's getting it nonetheless.

Now, though, I want it to be different. I care about Steve and I think I love him, (in the only way my mind knows how to) so I want to take a milder approach with actual foreplay.

"Amazon it is, then," I mumbled to myself before slipping my helmet on (safety first kids) and speeding back to the tower.

After what seemed like forever, I finally reached our floor. When I opened the door, I noticed a bright red paper on the small table next to the shoe rack.

Off to train Peter, be back in an hour.
~Steve

"Huh.... well this worked out nicely," I remarked setting the note down, "time to regret my decisions immediately!"

Figuring out the internet was easier than I thought it would be (with some help from Tasha, of course) she showed me things that were trustworthy and things I should never click on and then there were some things I figured out on my own. Peter and Shuri sent me memes on the regular and caught me up on the slang of today. I found the porn sites on my own, I figured if they had black markets for guns they had to have sites for porn.

They have online shopping and they have porn, mix the two together and you get sex toys and stuff. I thought as I typed away at my laptop.

"Bingo," I muttered as I clicked in a site full if everything a kinky person could ever need.

I gathered what I needed and ordered it. Just as I cleared the search history and closed the laptop, the door opened and walked in.

He took off his shoes and slid behind me on the wood floor.

He leaned down kissed my forehead lightly, "Hey baby, what're you doing?"

"Nooothing," I replied with a smirk.

Steve raised an eyebrow but didn't push the matter. I silently sighed in relief.

"Since it's getting to be around that time," he started as he walked towards the kitchen counter, "What do you want for Christmas?"

I was taken aback by the question. What did I want? I hadn't thought about this kind of thing since before the war, when I still lived with my parents. You didn't want much of anything when you were poor, you just wanted the roof over your head and the food in your belly. You didn't want much of anything when you were fighting for your life, you just wanted to live another day and hopefully see the end of the war. You didn't want much of anything when you were a H.Y.D.R.A assassin, you only wanted them to stop torturing you everytime you came back from a mission.

"Umm... Buck?" Steve called.

"G-give me a couple days to think about it," I mumbled, avoiding his eyes.

He was over my shoulder again, snaking his arms around my shoulders and burying his face in my neck. I leaned against his head and sighed.

"You know, Tony's having a Christmas party soon, would you want to go?" He asked, his voice muffled by my skin.

I thought about it for a moment. On one hand, my anxiety could cause some problems but on the other hand, it would be a good starting point in overcoming some if that anxiety. Plus, Steve wanted me to go, so it couldn't be all that bad.

"Yeah, sure. I'll go," I responded.

I felt him smile against my skin before he lifted his head and pecked my cheek. He stood up and returned to whatever he was doing in the kitchen.  I turned to watch him as he started bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement. Steve isn't the kind of person you'd call adorable, but with the way he was acting, he came as close to it as he possibly could.I smirked and walked over to him. He raised an eyebrow and stopped bouncing.

"Bucky, what're you-" he started but I cut him off with a kiss. Our first real kiss, a long time coming and so worth it. Steve tensed at first but quickly recovered from the shock and grabbed my hips, kissing me back. It was nothing heated or deep, just a regular kiss but it was the best feeling in the world.

When we pulled apart, I didn't even let him speak before I shocked him again.

"I love you, Steve."

His eyes went wide and he smiled before kissing me again, "I love you too, Bucky."

Hoo baby, it's been a hot second since I updated. But school kinda sucks and I almost failed a class (but I didn't so that's good). I also had major writers block and other bad excuses. Anyway, I'm sorry this took so long but I am so thankful for the amount of reads on this story! 700 reads! I never thought anyone would like my writing this much. You guys really are the best. I'm gonna try to update again before Christmas but no absolute promises. I love you guys, see you soon.