Hey Spacejerk

Faustian Deals

Hey Spacejerk,

The footage from the spycams I planted. I hoped rewatching those would be enough to keep my feet on the ground. I know I saw you on there a few times right after I moved, and then when I couldn't see you on the cams I could hear you until you shot the audio out with your screaming but...

It's all gone now. It's just hours of static. I don't understand. Did I ever record anything? Do I have spycams in your base? Zim, you have to tell me. The last cam is in the squidbrain testing part of your labs, under the third chamber. Please, write back and tell me it's there, that your base exists, and that you do too.

I scrolled through the Colledge catalog of classes. Completely STEM based. Don't get me wrong, I know why we need this stuff to keep society running and better the future of mankind, bla bla bla. It's all Dad bothers to talk to me about so I know the drill. But there's no place for curiosity beyond the boundaries of STEM teachings. You're only allowed to be curious inside the box. Again, don't get me wrong, it's a huge box, but it's still a box. And with Dad as the master of the box, I really don't want anything to do with it, y'know?

Of course not. Why would I even ask if you know something like that.

She knows, though. Sleep has been unusually good, lately. I think she might be singing me to sleep. Sometimes I think I can see her face pressing through the wall, like it's a sheet of cling-wrap and not drywall. I feel like I should be taking pictures, but what's the point? The paper vanishes under my fingers, the tapes are erased, nobody listens.

Either I'm alone and I've cracked or I have a ghost companion and I'm writing to an alien. Even if I have cracked, I know which one I'd rather believe. I don't think I could handle the other.

Third option is going to Colledge. I'd still be alone, but at least I'd hear the sound of other peoples' voices. Get bumped into by students in the hall. Addressed from time to time by the teachers.

Some Faustian deals aren't made with the devil, and they're not for your whole soul. Sometimes they're made with the world, and it's for just a few pieces of your soul. You know, the ones that make life worth living for you in particular, so you can put the rest of it toward some "higher good" or a "useful purpose." I'm not ready to take that deal just yet, but I can't say "never" like I used to, either.

-Dib

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Note: I think I can safely say this story has taken a turn away from "personal processing of a move" into an exploration of loneliness and other things. I'm familiar with loneliness for sure. An old enemy I've fought tooth and nail since childhood. Nasty creature, that. I won't "note" as much in this fic since the chapters are so short, but if you're enjoying the story, please consider checking out my Patreon under this same username!