Hey Spacejerk

Employment Inquiries

Dear Agent Darkbooty,

It's Mothman. I know I've been off the radar for a long time, but life's been weirder than usual for the last few months.

I know the Swollen Eyeball doesn't really want to hear from me, but I'm hoping the photos catch your eye enough to read what I have to say. As you can see, I've attached several pictures of an alien species. Clear, crisp images taken on a digital camera and developed privately. Yes, he's glaring. He's just like that.

This is, as far as I know, the first compelling photographic record of the Irken race on Earth. His name is Zim. You know I've been trying to expose him to you for ages, but recently we came to an understanding that makes things a lot easier. These photos have been obtained with his express permission in the hopes that we can work out a mutually beneficial understanding with the Swollen Eyeball.

You remember that one time you helped me save Earth by directing me to the Butt on Mercury? That was the one time you could actually verify that I was right, that I wasn't totally crazy about the alien I was chasing. You're probably wondering why I've never been able to get photos of Zim before, with every image I sent in being too blurry or inconsequential. You're probably remembering all the evidence I've forgotten at home and how many times I've embarrassed you in front of the whole organization. As it turns out, I've had a sort of alien probe in my head. Zim left it there by accident and it's been disrupting me at key moments for almost a decade. Now that he's removed it, you should see a marked improvement in the quality of all evidence I submit from here on out, starting with these photos of Zim.

I have recently discovered that Zim's people have long since written him off and abandoned him here. He was not aware of this (for reasons we would be willing to discuss in person should you decide to work with our needs) and was carrying on the mission he thought he had been assigned. As that mission is no longer viable, he is seeking a way to live here peacefully. For now, he is interested in gaining knowledge. All kinds of knowledge. Especially the kind that allows non-human sentient life to hide in plain sight. We've agreed that one way to pursue this knowledge is to investigate other non-human sentient life-forms that are doing just that.

You know my experience, Darkbooty. I've been a volunteer field member since I was old enough to use a computer. And with the quality of my evidence and investigative capacities ramping up, I'd like to request a trial period as a paid field agent. I'll start at the bottom, but I want a job with the Eyeball. And I want Zim classified as a non-threat resident and inducted as an honorary member, assigned to me as a partner on the field at the same pay. In exchange, Zim is willing to discuss with you all alien races he knows about and disclose which aliens have already landed on Earth (that he's aware of). He is also willing to disclose some information about the Irken race, but reserves the right to refuse to answer anything he feels may endanger his safety.

If everything goes well for a couple of years and all parties show good faith, Zim is even willing to discuss ways he can contribute to improving Swollen Eyeball tech. He places heavy emphasis on the "if". It would be in Earth's best interest for the Swollen Eyeball to deal honestly with him.

I'll vouch for him and take full responsibility for overseeing him. I really think this could have long-term benefits for humanity. If the Swollen Eyeball is willing to talk, send your response to the P.O. box on the envelope. Detail a decent neutral meeting ground where we can talk.

It's been a long time, Agent Darkbooty. A lot has changed. I'm eager to work under you again.

-Agent Mothman

....

Note: HAH. Do you know, I didn't see this coming until I wrote it? Who knew the Swollen Eyeball might actually be useful to Zim, instead of a total threat? I guess everybody gets rotation as villain or hero-assist. Alright, one more chapter. I wrote these three all at once so I burned right through the buffer with no restraint. Goal is to wrap up in the next 1-2 weeks with the last chapter.