Hey Spacejerk

All the Objections

"I didn't know about the spycams. How did he smuggle that many spycams into my base? How did he even gain entry? I failed to keep the enemy out."

Somehow Dib could feel the ends of his hair and the tips of his toenails, and between the two there was only a dull, aching throb that could hear voices. He got no input from his eyes, open or closed.

"The Tallests disdain me. They openly mock me. But it is only a minor setback."

"Minor setback? I am Zim! I am the top graduate of their Elite forces. I should be stationed on a planet worthy of my efforts, not this miserable, stinking rock at the edge of the known universe!"

Dib groaned and tried to roll over, only to find he couldn't move. There turned out to be more than just a dull, aching throb existing in space. Wriggling bodies pressed up against him, mashing him into a wall of some sort as they struggled and argued amongst each other in the familiar voice of the universe's most obnoxious Irken.

"Every day I spent researching these idiotic earth memes was utterly wasted. There is nothing in these fooleries involving planetary conquest. I was tricked."

There was so much being said at once from all directions behind Dib and at all distances that it melded into a dull roar. Once in a while a single speaker, shouting much closer to Dib, could be clearly understood.

"Dib had to explain to me how to use simplistic earth communication systems like letters. I failed because I could not figure it out myself!"

"But GIR! Why GIR? Oh my Tallests, why GIR?"

"Zal," Dib whispered. "Zal, what's going on?"

Congratulations. The words flashed in white before his eyes. You got us caught. And then punished. This PAK is busted, alright. Those shocks are supposed to be so subtle that Irkens don't even catch onto the fact that contrary thoughts and opinions are being removed from them.

"Shocks? Like the kind I saw on the recordings? The ones that were tearing him apart? That's hardly subtle!" Dib hissed.

I did just say that this PAK is busted, right? Something altered the normal levels of punishment and reward. It's out of control. Probably floods his system with toxic levels of pleasure when he says the right thing, too. No wonder his shell was coming apart at the seams.

"Dib thinks he is oppressed by his parental unit," a Zim growled in the dark. "What the flirk does he know about oppression? Whiny little smeetling."

"So I'm in that cube where all the 'bad' thoughts are kept?" Dib asked.

Yes. I took the worst of that shock, you're welcome for nothing. I've barely got you cloaked and speech is out for me.

"Perfect. This is where we need to be. Can you drop the cloaking?"

Personally I would not hesitate to see you reduced to a drooling moron after these thoughts flood your brain and tear your mind apart, but a mission was forced on me and this proposal endangers it.

"Dib can hack Irken technology," came the voice of yet another disembodied Zim. "He's done it before. Our systems are not impenetrable, not perfect."

Dib swallowed. "Drop the cloaking. I know what I'm doing. I think."

Not reassuring enough.

A broken chuckle came from somewhere behind Dib. "How pathetic is it that Dib was the only being to ever take me seriously?"

Dib's mouth opened and closed. No words flashed before his eyes.

"The Dib called on me to help him. Why is it I find that I want to?"