Hey Spacejerk

Objection!

Blat. Blat. Blat. Blat.

Rolling over, Dib swatted at his alarm clock. He didn't feel like going to class today. If Dad wanted to send him off, he'd have to get his assistants to fight his full-grown son into a hover-chair because there was no way Dib was going after getting kidnapped by...

Oh.

There was no alarm clock. There was no Dad, no hoverchair, no overpaid assistants. Just a hoverscreen blaring insistently, a foot out of reach.

Sitting up came easier than the day before. His throat still hurt and the room wasn't completely steady, but less tipsy now. Had it been yesterday? He wasn't sure how much time had passed.

The screen displayed another message.

YOU HAVE ONE NEW MESSAGE. ACCEPT DECLINE.

The "Accept" button flashed with each blat the screen blared. Scowling, Dib wobbled over to the sink, twisting the knob. Coppery-smelling water coughed out of the spout and dripped through the crack to the floor. Dib splashed a handful over his face anyway and ran a wet hand through his hair.

There was no hair. He encountered bare skin and a long puckered line. His stomach twisted and he fought to keep himself from vomiting. Even bile could choke him if he couldn't get it out of his mouth right.

Blat. Blat. Blat. Blat. Blat.

Taking in slow breaths through his nose, he bent his head down and was able to get a few drops of rusty water in between the gaps in his teeth. It didn't help much. Had Zim gone into his head? Why?

Blat. Blat. Blat.

Growling, Dib turned and slapped the "Accept" button. Zim's face flickered on the screen.

"Greetings, Earthstink."

It gave Dib no small amount of satisfaction to see Zim's eye twitching and his antennae hanging limp on either side of his head. Dib's eyes widened. He recognized this look. The last time he'd seen Zim like this it was on the recordings he got off the few remaining spycams, shortly after his second letter. Had Zim been recording responses to him this whole time?

"You think you are so clever, feeding me false information about acid rain and what it means. Nobody melted, fool. Acid must not mean the same thing to your entire species as it does to mine. Stop trying to confound the situation by telling me the same word has two meanings to your kind! No sentient society, no matter how primitive, could survive with such a contradictory communication system! It would tear itself apart first.

"No matter. This is merely a minor setback. Everything is merely a minor setback." His voice pitched up. "The not-acid rain is a minor setback. The hours I spent researching your stupid meaningless sentences about dangerous spaghetti and magical horses is just a minor setback. The Tallests are—" He twitched, his eyes losing their gleam and going dull for a moment. He jolted, continuing his tirade, "—testing me to be sure I am worthy of the honor they have bestowed upon me. Your misinformation will not stop my progress."

Zim leaned toward the camera. "Did you think I would not find the repository of all meme knowledge? Did you think I would not understand you were mocking me? Oh, yes. I have discovered the human's information network and there is absolutely no meaning to your insipid taunts. You will pay for this distraction. For every day I spent—" There it was again. Much quicker, this time, barely a flicker. "—r-r-researching your planet's customs on my own, I am that much closer to accomplishing my goal of infiltrating your defenseless rock!"

Dib found himself wondering if this happened on a regular basis, and how often he'd missed it. He would have to be looking hard to catch a quick jerk like that. He'd always dismissed Zim as a spastic, flailing moron when he got into rants, but was there more to it? He was pretty sure Zim had meant to threaten him just now. Where did the other half of that go?

Balling his claws up, Zim slammed his fists onto the desk. The camera shook as he yelled at it, "And I didn't set your stupid house on fire! If I'd done it, you'd be a pile of ashes right now and I'd be celebrating your demise with a trip back to Irk to deliver your remains to my Tallests in person. I'm not so incompetent as to leave a job half done, you pile of slangime!"

The screen faded to static and the little tray with the pills slid out. Mechanically, Dib took them, staring blankly at the screen. What did Zim mean he hadn't started the fire? Of course he did! Dib had caught him at... at the back of the house... hadn't he?

He crossed his legs on the pallet as he watched the hoverscreen float off. Zim was just lying. He failed at stuff all the time. Dib had upset more of his plans than he could count. But... Zim also loved to gloat over plans that accomplished even part of his intended destruction. He hadn't killed Dib, but he had destroyed his home and forced a move. He should be taking credit for that. Right?

...

Note: Crazy busy around here and wrestling with the muse, so sometimes there will be gaps. But the story is far from over! Thanks for your patience. If you're enjoying the story, consider checking out my Patreon and its perks! I'm currently tearing apart my oldest Invader Zim fanfiction a few chapters at a time at the $5 level.