Hey Spacejerk

Charades

The next message screen appeared. Dib put up a hand, palm out flat to the screen, grunting. He needed time to think about what he'd just seen, get his thoughts in order. What he wouldn't give for a sheet of paper and a pencil.

To his surprise, the message screen faded away. He hadn't actually thought grunting at it would stop the alarm-clock blatting that accompanied unopened messages. The screen now displayed the words TAP SCREEN WHEN YOU WISH TO CONTINUE.

Dib's pulse quickened. This was Irken tech. Of course. Even their most basic A.I. programs were probably better, faster, more responsive than Earth's highest level attempts. He waved at it, hoping his hunch was correct, and mimed writing something on a pad of paper. The screen fizzled for a moment, then displayed the words, PRISONER REQUESTS EATING IMPLEMENTS. CORRECT/INCORRECT.

He pushed INCORRECT.

PRISONER REQUESTS UNDERWATER WEAVING MATERIALS. CORRECT/INCORRECT.

Dib waved his hand in frustration. Playing charades with alien software wasn't getting him anywhere. He had to deal with the real problem before he could get complex needs across. He pulled back his lips and traced the wires along his teeth. If the wires were removed, he could deal with the tongue clamp himself.

PRISONER REQUESTS REMOVAL OF ORAL RESTRICTION. CORRECT/INCORRECT.

Correct!

PRISONER UNDERSTANDS THAT ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE INCINERATION. CORRECT/INCORRECT

Figures. Rolling his eyes, Dib punched CORRECT.

DO NOT MOVE.

Miniature versions of the coiled up robotic arms under his pallet extended from the hoverscreen. Dib braced himself, even as the hair on the back of his neck rose. The little arms grasped the wires between his teeth. There was a snipping sound and then a scraping noise and he could feel one of the applied braces tumbling off a tooth. He held very, very still as the arms worked their way around in Dib's mouth, trying hard not to swallow as saliva pooled on his tongue.

What seemed like an eternity later, the hoverscreen removed itself from Dib's mouth. SELF STERILIZATION PROCESS INITIATED. It managed a little shudder as its arms glowed bright red.

Dib backed away. He swallowed and massaged his jaw with bony fingertips. He creaked his mouth open, experimentally. The jaw joint ached a little, but that was to be expected. Reaching in, he removed a small tongue clamp and threw it across the room.

"Ha.. He... Hey... Space... Jerk..." he croaked. "I.. hah... haha..." tears streamed down his cheeks. "Hahahaha! You think you can keep me... here? Do you?" He panted. He hardly cared what he was saying. "You think you're so big, but I am Dib Membrane and, and, and... something impressive! Haha!" He sat down hard, wiping his eyes.

Blat. Blat. Blat. Blat.

The hoverscreen had finished sanitizing itself and now blared at him to accept the new message.

"Um," he mumbled, "Can I get something to write with?"

Immediately the hoverscreen folded up and left. Within minutes, it returned with a small datapad and a stylus. Dib took both and scribbled a bit. The screen captured his stylus motion perfectly. "Okay. I accept the next message."

There were dark blueish circles under Zim's eyes and his antennae hung crooked. If Dib wasn't mistaken, his skin leaned more toward yellow than green this time.