Floating on Daydreams

Nothing

"I think I'm pretty."

"Well, you're not."

"I feel pretty."

"You don't deserve to."

"I want to be pretty."

"You never will be."

"I'm not pretty."

"Exactly."

"I think I'm strong."

"Well, you're not."

"I have to be strong for them."

"You're too weak to try."

"I want to be strong."

"You never will be."

"I'm not strong."

"Exactly."

"I have friends."

"No, you don't."

"I know I have friends."

"Do you really?"

"I think I have friends."

"You'll push them away."

"I don't want friends, because I know I'll hurt them."

"Exactly."

"Pig." "Freak." "Idiot." "Stupid." "Fat." "Insignificant." "Weirdo." "Useless." "Slut." "Whore." "Bitch." "Crybaby." "Retard." Pointed fingers. Laughter. Mockery. Pushing. Shoving. Sneering. Hate. Hate. Hate.

Crying. Hunched shoulders. Panic attacks. Blood. Hurting. Detachment. Walls up, armor on. Smiling. Dying.

"I like you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're pretty and strong and smart and wonderful."

"Really?"

"Really."

Smile. Love. Hope. Trust.

"He loves me."

Silence.

"I know he loves me."

Doubt.

"He does love me..right?

"I never loved you."

Small smile. "Sorry." "You have to be strong." Back turned. Gone. 

Head spinning. Running. Crying. Heartbreak. Feeling smaller and smaller and smaller. Dying. Hate. Hate. Hate. Walls up, stronger than ever. Smiling. Weak, ugly, friendless, unloveable. Numb.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"We have a lot in common."

"Okay."

Secrets, experiences, love.

Friends?

Voices. "It's not going to last." Screaming. Crying. Trying to protect them from myself. Failure.

Die. Die. Die. 

And people wonder why I am the way I am. 

Laughing. Lightless eyes. Walls up. Armor on. Smiling.