Chapter 24: a hot mess

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“Who?” Mr. Schultz asked.

“Never mind. THIS. WHAT. YOU. NEED. TO. DO. BEW. BEW.” I clapped in between each word.

“Help me figure out why I’m bi polar with my feelings towards him. Why I’m waking up in a panic attack or whatever you call it because I think boo boo dead or I think boo boo shot TT, pookie up in the car seat. Then turned around and gone have the audacity to shoot my black booty behind.  Where they do that at? Forreal doe I ain’t trying to have no mo’ bad dreams cause I just got on vacation and a bad chick need that bad chick beauty rest. But yeah get to the nitty gritty of the point so me and boo boo can leave like how hard is it? I mean do you need to call yo big brother Debo? I know Craig put them paws on him so we ain’t bout talk about that because you sensitive about that Tyrone. Especially since you was sitting on the handle bars of bike but enough about you because it ain’t my fault you afraid of dog catchers. Anyway while we talking about Dogs and stuff; You got any Hot WANGS OR HAWT dogs around here. I don’t smoke no mo so a sista got to eat something to calm her nerves down. You bouts to make me go off on you and boo boo because ya’ll think everythanng is funny but it ain’t.” I rambled.

“Well I can give you medicine to help you sleep but that’s about it till I’m able to get some test done on you. So let me call my brother Dr. Schultz and we’ll get a prescription.”  He got up from his desk.

“Everybody know that Debo yo bro Tyrone shoo’ you ain’t gotta broadcast everythanng because I was there when Craig put that brick upside his head and it was funny too. It said WOOMMP! I was like Oh snap he got bopped!” I sat on his desk while he was on the phone with Dr. Schultz.

“Stop.” Diggy struggled to keep in laughter.

“Don’t tell me to stop Craig, I am TOP FLIGHT SECURITY OF THE WORLD CRAIG!!  You know what I’m about to hop on yo hairline now! I’m yo cousin Day Day and I know what’s Best and yo ex girl Elana was a hoochie Mama. Let me sing the theme song. SHE AIN’T NOTHING BUT A HOOCHIE MAMA HOOD RAT HOOD RAT HOO-“ Diggy cut me off.

“Shhhhh.” He quieted me.

“Prescription ready to go.” Mr. Schultz  smiled.

“Aight!” I hopped off the desk.

I gave him a hug and said goodbye. Diggy and I walked out the therapist office to go to the pharmacy area. Diggy smiled at me and shook his head.

“Never again.” He let out all the laughter from in the office.

“Hoochie Mama!” I sang.

“My Hoochie Mama.” Diggy giggled.

Diggy P.O.V

“Well yo hoochie Mama tired and she hungry and she excited and she want to see the house and see just everythanng, The she gone eat up everythanng because she on vacation and she sangle (single in proper terms) so she ready to get them back rolls and them muffin tops because she ain’t got to impress no man no mo’. She just gone look sexy in her rolls and her milkshake will convert into big tubs of ice cream and all the boys gone come to the yard. You gone find you another hoochie mama my bad hood rat cause she ain’t good enough to be a hoochie mama. She might have your car smelling like all kinds of fish but that aight you like seafood you can tolerate it heffah might not be able to cook but you be aight. Now you walking a little slow now move it along you moving like a turtle we ain’t got time to be lolly ganging around bring ya behind to my side. Don’t worry ain’t nothing sagging back there we good. I ain’t got no sags in the trunk. I just then hanged it up put it on the shelf…I’m bout to let myself go!”  She walked a few ahead of me in the hall.

I could still here her talking ghetto and rambling on about who knows what. But it gave me time to think. She told me to keep trying so she didn’t fully let me go and right now we’re sort of to say friends. Only thing I really have to do is stay on her good side play it through. I know I still have a good name in her heart. But if I can get her to open up to me fully and not turn me away so fast I can make this work.

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