Yes No or Maybe

Joey

I'm fully aware that I am indeed in love with Alfie. There was just something about him that interested me that day. The day I met him- a little over a year ago- I knew that there was something special about him. I instantly felt something inside and I just wanted him in my life. So, we quickly became friends and here we are now. I'm so glad he's my roommate and my best friend, and even though I can't have him that way, I'm still happy. I'm completely okay being by his side.
Though I can't lie; I do want him that way. God, I want him in every way possible. He's just so perfect in my eyes.
I sigh because I realize that I touched a sensitive part of my mind; the part I don't like to think about; the part I'm trying to hide.
I've loved Alfie for so long that I'm used to hiding it. I'm used to pretending my feelings aren't there. But just because I'm hiding it, doesn't mean that they aren't there. My feelings are one hundred percent real and I can't lie about that to myself. I'm aware of the truth.
I just don't want Alfie to hate me. And that's why I'm hiding it. I think I'd really hurt myself if I hurt Alfie, or if I ever make him hate me. I just can't handle that.
I sigh once more before rolling out of bed. Stop thinking about it, Joey.
I yawn and stretch a bit before heading to the bathroom to relieve myself and do what normal humans do in there. After that's done, I slip on a T-shirt and run upstairs to the kitchen, hoping to make breakfast today and perhaps impress Alfie.
Okay, Alfie Is nowhere to be found. Surprising, but it's a good thing.
Usually he wakes up hours before me, yet today I'm awake first. Weird.
I shrug off the thought and begin to prepare things in the kitchen. What do people eat for breakfast?
Hmm...
I'll just make pancakes. Fortunately, we have pancake mix so I don't to do too much except add eggs, milk and oil to it.
I begin to whistle Happy Little Phil as I make the pancakes.
About half an hour later, Alfie walks up into our kitchen/living room...shirtless.
By now I'm done making the pancakes, so I just look away from his body.
"Good morning, Alfie."
He seems surprised; his eyes widen and he freezes. "Good...morning, Joey." It sounds more like a question than a statement.
I smile at him and hold up the plate of pancakes. "Breakfast?"
He raises an eyebrow, almost incredulously. "Is-is that what smells really good? I can literally smell it from my room." A half smile appears on his face.
I shrug and take a sniff. "I guess so." I walk over to the table and place the plate there along with syrup and a can of whipped cream.
I look over at him. "Well?" I grin.
He smiles back at me and walks over to where I am. We both take a seat across from each other and begin to eat.
"Mmm. This is actually really good," Alfie moans with wide eyes.
"And you said that I can't cook."
"I didn't know that you could.""
I stick my tongue out.
Alfie laughs.
Aww, he's so cute. I love him
Joey. Stop. Friend-wise. Not Joey-wise.
I sigh, and then realize that I sighed really loudly.
"Is something the matter, Joey?" Alfie asks, shoving a piece of pancake in his mouth; syrup dripping down the corner of his lips.
Oh, how I want to lick that syrup of his chin. I bite my bottom lip and stare, almost obviously.
Alfie raises an eyebrow and wipes off the syrup before looking down at his lap.
I blink, realizing that I might've made him feel awkward. I really hope he doesn't think of it that way.
"So," I begin changing the subject. "You wanted to hang out?" I smile a bit. I feel like we haven't hung out in ages and I'm really excited.
"Oh, yeah." Alfie nods, smiling as he looks up. "We could go watch that new movie that just came out."
"Alright." I agree, "That sounds cool."
This feels like a date...
No, it's not a date-stop, Joey
I'm probably looking bothered because Alfie asks me, "Are you okay?" and glances over at me worriedly.
"I'm-I'm fine!" I say a bit loudly, and then proceed to hush myself.
We're currently in-line to purchase snacks before the movie starts. And since I don't really have anything to think about, I realize that Alfie being this close to me is affecting me a lot. I get this tingly feeling in my stomach, and when his arm bruises against mine, my skin burns up.
This is not good.
I take a deep breath and try to calm down.
"Joey are you sure you're okay?" Alfie asks, glancing over at me once again.
"I'm fine. I just wish this line was faster." I groan under my breath.
"There are only two people ahead," Alfie points out.
And I realize that he's right. Whoa. Time flies when you're in your own brain.
"We'd like one large popcorn with butter and two cups of Coca-Cola," Alfie says to the girl behind the counter. He turns over to me and says, "Anything else?"
I shake my head. "No, that's fine." I smile a bit.
He nods and then pays for the snacks.
"You guys make a cute couple," the girl suddenly says, smiling as she hands over the snacks.
"Huh?" Is all that comes out of my mouth.
Did she just say that? Oh, gosh I wonder-why.
Alfie nervously laughs before I can open my mouth to say anything. "Were just good friends."
Good friend. I don't know why but that hurts a little. I mean, it's the truth, but it stings a bit.
"Yeah," I agree.
She looks embarrassed and her face turns pink. "Oh-oh, I'm so sorry, it's just you two...I'm sorry.
"That's no problem," I say, chuckling. "It's fine." No, it's not
I turn over to Alfie. "Ready to go? The movie probably already started".
Alfie nods and so we begin to walk over to the movie theatre.
Not even half an hour into the movie and Alfie is already cuddling up against me, nibbling on my popcorn.
I like this. I smile a little, glad that the room is too dark for my smile to be noticed.
But this is the thing about Alfie. I know horror movies aren't his favourite but he agreed to watch it with me just to please me. That's the only thing that I hate about him. I can never really tell what he genuinely wants to do something.
I sigh a bit.
"Joey?"
I look over at him. "You don't want to watch this, do you?"
Alfie stays still for a good ten seconds before shrugging. "I don't mind."
I groan. "If you don't want to, we don't have to watch it, Alfie."
"But you want to watch it."
"Doesn't matter. I could've watched it by myself another day," I protest
There was something on his face that I couldn't name. It was too dim to tell anyway.
"Let's just finish this. But if I really want to leave, I'll tell you."
I nod hesitantly and turn my head to the front of the theatre, only to see guts on the screen.
Uh.
We end up finishing the movie, and while I feel bad for Alfie, I don't mind because he keeps holding on to me. Heh.
After the movie, we decide to buy Chinese for dinner and head home.
I don't know about Alfie but I had fun. Though, this is not helping me get over him.
I hate feeling this way about him. Just because I know he doesn't feel the same way. I'm actually trying to get over him. I've been trying ever since. I've tried dating girls; hell I had a girlfriend for a while. I was kind of happy dating Ellie, but things didn't go well. So my eyes are back on Alfie.
God, I hate thinking about this.
Anyway, after we finish eating dinner, I tell Alfie I'm going to bed, when in reality, I'll just be staring up at my bedroom ceiling and thinking about him.