Yes No or Maybe

Joey

"This is my boyfriend, Lucas," Alfie says, gesturing to the young man sitting next to him. "I, uh, I'm gay."
I just came home after filming at a friend's house and when I got back, I saw Alfie and a guy ive never seen in my life sitting on our couch.
I greeted Alfie, told him I was back, and then proceeded to ask who the stranger was.
And now I regret it. I regret it so much.
As Alfie stutters out those words, I feel my whole life break apart. Alfie has a boyfriend. Alfie is gay. Alfie is gay
It's hard to put my mind around the thought but it's true.
But holy shit, Alfie's gay.
I freeze, right there, right then. I could have had him all along. Alfie could have been mine. But someone else has beaten me to it.
Some stupid asswipe beat me to it.
I feel the anger boil inside of me, just itching to crawl out. But I keep it in. I don't want to do something to upset Alfie. I never want to upset him.
"Oh," I say smiling a bit hesitantly. "Hi."
Lucas, the stupid asswipe smiles at me. He fucking smiles at me as he says, "Hi you must be Joey, Alfie has told me a lot about you."
"Is that so? Well, Alfie certainly hasn't told me enough about you." I smile sweetly, though deep inside I want to kill the bastard.
I glance over at Alfie. He looks a bit uncomfortable, looking at everything but me.
"Well, we just met yesterday, so that must be the reason!"
Are you kidding me?
I never pegged Alfie to be the kind of guy to hook up with someone in a day. Fuck.
Lucas throws an arm over Alfie, pulling him closer, the stupid smile still plasters onto his face.
No what the fuck do you think you're doing? Get your hands off Alfie.
I almost-almost take a step forward to separate the two, but then I realize I have no right to. Alfie is nothing but a best friend to me. I don't have the right to separate him and his boyfriend.
I knew that one day I would see Alfie with someone else I just didn't expect that day to come so soon. And I didn't expect it to be a guy.
It hurts me more because this means I could have had a chance with Alfie. Only I didn't know that I did.
This sucks so much.
I feel my eyes sting and I know. I know everything is about to spill out, and I can't stand to be here. I can't let him see me like this.
"Uh," I begin. "I'm just going to... go. I have to do something. Have fun talking, or whatever guys." I say, trying to smile. But I can't.
So I just turn away, rush downstairs and into my room, slamming the door behind me.
I can't take it anymore. I just can't.
It's all so overwhelming.
I rush over to my bed and just throw myself onto it. I grab the nearest pillow and throw my face in it.
Why is this happening?
Why didn't I tell him sooner?
If I did tell him, would he be mine right now?
Would he be mine not that stupid bastard?
I feel the tears pour out. I feel the stream down my cheeks as all these questions flow through my mind.
This is my entire fault.
I can't stand to see Alfie with another guy, I just can't. It hurts too much.
Fuck, it hurts.
Lately, ever since Alfie introduced me to his boyfriend, the bastards been hanging round the apartment. And me being me I don't like it one bit.
How can Alfie be friendly with someone he just met recently?
Hell, how can he date someone he recently me?
It's still hard to wrap my mind around the thought.
It's almost unbelievable.
What if it's just a prank? What if he's trying to get me back? That must be it!
But wait... why he would pull this prank? There's no reason to it.
He doesn't know how much this affects me. Maybe he found out. Maybe he can't except that I like him so this is his way of rejecting me...
Stop making you feel like shit, Joey.
That can't be it.
I frown as I hear laughter upstairs.
There at it again. Why is that asshole hanging around here? They can go hang out at his place. At least then I won't be able to see them.
I roll onto my side, and curve into a ball.
And lately, I have been crying just about every night.
Call me a weak if you want, but I just can't handle this. I guess I am a weak.
All I want id for Alfie to be mine
But I guess I'm too late for that one.
I wonder if they've kissed yet.
Probably.
...what about sex?
Well, they just met a few days ago so they can't have yet...
I've always thought Alfie was a virgin till he told me he wasn't.
Though I still don't believe him.
I've always wanted to be the one to take his virginity.
I still want to be the one who takes it.
I can't take this.
I pick the pillow up from next to me and throw it at my wall.
I just want to scream!
But I can't because they're upstairs having fun.
I want to make Alfie mine.
I want to run upstairs, kick Lucas out, and just make Alfie fucking mine. But I don't want to hurt Alfie.
If this is what Alfie wants, then this is what he'll ge, even if this isn't what I want.
So, I'll just wait, wait till they break up.
They'll have to eventually, right?
Because Alfie is my soul mate. I'm sure of it.
Alfie will eventually be mine. Eventually we will live together and fall in love with each other and live happily ever after...
And that's all that I will ever want.