Yes No or Maybe

Alfie

It feels sort of weird to be like this with a guy, although it's just an act. It feels almost wrong to me. It's not even the fact I'm 'with' a man that feels wrong, no, it's just that Joey isn't that man.
It feels like I'm cheating, though Joey and I were never even together.
Hell, he probably doesn't even feel the same way!
Another thing; he's straight.
It still hurts me.
And I don't think I will be getting over him anytime soon...
Dammit.
"Alfie?"
I snap out of reality as I hear my name. "Oh, sorry." I laugh slightly. "Um, what was that?"
Lucas shakes his head, chuckling. "Daydreaming about him, are we?" he asks smirking a bit.
I feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. "How can you tell?" I ask, ducking my head. "Am I that obvious?"
Lucas shrugs. "Well, someone who knows about your little crush would find it easy to tell. You just put this kind of expression when you zone out." He picks up a French fry and pops it into his mouth. "It's kind of cute."
"Cute?" I scoff. "whatever." I roll my eyes playfully and eat my fry's as well.
We told Joey that were going on a date but instead were just hanging out.
I don't know what it is with Joey but he just acts... out of place these days. Ever since I introduced Lucas as my boyfriend to him, he has been keeping his distance from me.
Is it the fact that he doesn't accept my sexuality?
That can't be it. He's friend with Chris, James and Nicolas, and they're all gay. So that cant be the reason.
I frown a bit to myself.
"What's on your mind?"
"What are you, Facebook?"
"what?" Lucas asks, raising an eyebrow
I sigh loudly. "Never mind. That was stupid." I say.
Lucas frowns as he takes a sip of his soda. "But seriously. What's bugging you now? I don't like to see you like this."
He's really nice.
"Just, uh, thoughts. I'm just thinking about something. Don't worry, I'm fine," I assure him, smiling a bit.
He looks at me with his hesitant smile, obviously unconvinced. "If you say so."
I look down at my food, furrowing my eyebrows in thought.
I wonder what Joey is up to...
I feel bad for Lucas because were supposed to be hanging out but all I'm doing is fantasising about my roommate.
"I'm sorry." I suddenly say sighing once again. "Were supposed to be hanging out, having fun and stuff, but all I'm doing is thinking about somebody else." I laugh half-heartedly. "it feels like one of those really bad relationships where it's not working because of one person." I pause for a second while staring at my food blankly. "And that person is me."
I feel Lucas' hand on mine and I look over at him and smile gently. "It's obvious that you are thinking about Joey. It's fine we can call it a day."
He's just so nice.
I nod hesitantly. "Alright. That might be best. I don't want to take up your time with my problems." I smiled a little.
"Yeah, yeah." He responds, rolling his eyes playfully.
We both laugh lightly before getting up out of our seats. We pay for the food and leave the restaurant.
Lucas drops me off at the apartment been as we used his car, and then leaves, almost immediately.
I still feel bad for what I'm doing.
I sigh as I insert the key into the keyhole and open the door. Almost instantly, I'm greeted by Joey.
"Hi, Alfie," he says smiling a bit.
I smile back at him.
I've been feeling a bit down and just seeing Joey cheers me up straight away.
"Hey." I casually say, taking my shoes off and placing them by the coatrack.
"So, how was your date?" he asks, smiling still.
I raise an eyebrow and shrug. "It was fine."
"Ah, that's good."
"Yup."
And then it goes silent.
This is what I hate.
We can't talk anymore and it really hurts.
I stare at him, he stares back and that's just how it is until he walks away.
"So, I was thinking..." he begins. "Uh, I've been sort of... missing Ellie. Uh, just the feeling of not having a lover there... it brings me down. So I'm thinking about getting a girlfriend..." his voice is quieter than usual and for some reason he won't seem to meet my eyes.
I gulp...feeling my heart ache.
He misses Ellie, his ex-girlfriend. But why is he telling me?
I frown a bit, and don't realize until Joey points out.
"What's wrong?" he asks frowning as well.
"Oh, nothing just thinking about why you needed to tell me that." I feel my voice get firmer with anger and pain growing inside me, making my chest feel heavy.
"I-I just wanted to make sure you think it okay." Joey gives me a weird look, a questioning, confusing me.
"Why do you need my consent?" I ask almost immediately.
Joey opens his mouth to say something, but he closes it. It seems like he doesn't have anything to say to that.
"I...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I don't know what's gotten into me." He says softly, laughing half-heartedly.
And now I feel horrible.
I don't know why I got angry so easily.
I shouldn't have.
He just doesn't know how much this affects me.
He doesn't know how much he affects me.
Though, I can't blame him, he really doesn't know. He shouldn't know.
"Alfie." He says in his astonishing voice that makes me want to kiss him.
Stop it. Stop thinking like that. He doesn't feel the same way.
I shake my head a little and look up at Joey. "Sorry," I say. "Uh, also, its fine. I'm sorry for over reacting." I let a soft laugh out.
"It's okay," he responds, with his beautiful smile.
And just that little smile makes my heart beat so fast.
I duck nervously, and let out slight laugh to stop the awkward silence, feeling myself blush.
"So yeah, uh, I got to go edit a video." I tell him, mainly to get out of this very awkward conversation. Although, I do have to edit a video.
"Oh. Okay. Uh, yeah that's fine." He says stumbling over his words.
I smile teasingly with a raised eyebrow, and then proceed to head to my room.
That was so awkward.
But it could have been worse so that's okay.
I sigh at myself before falling face first onto my bed.
I'm exhausted, but I really need to edit that video.
Though, there's nothing on my mind but Joey.
God, this is going to be difficult.
I love him so much. His beautiful silky hair and them lips I could just kiss.