Yes No or Maybe

Alfie

I admit; I Fantasise about Joey a lot of the time. I'm assuming that it's an automatic thing you do when you like someone. You might imagine being in a relationship with them, kissing them, touching them and all that good stuff that'll never really happen.
But yeah, I can't help but imagine going out with Joey. I hate it though. I don't want to feel this way. It just sucks.
I sigh as I get out of bed. It's still pretty early, but thoughts of Joey decide to take my sleep away.
I sigh once more before getting up to go to the bathroom. Joey and I went out to the movies the other day and it was still in my head.
Such a simple thing friends do can get to me and I hate that.
I look at my reflection and frown. "Stop feeling this way," I tell myself. It feels silly but oh well. I sigh before getting in the shower.
Maybe if I stop thinking about my feelings for Joey, they will go away.
Silly Alfie, feelings don't go away that easily.
I remember telling Tess about my crush when I was in 5th grade and she told me that. Exactly that. She told me that feelings don't go away that easily.
I didn't believe her back then, but now I know it's true. And it fucking sucks like hell.
After showering, I decide to make breakfast Joey and I.
As I finish cooking the eggs and sausages, joey approaches the kitchen counter.
"Good morning," I say, smiling. "In the mood for eggs and sausages?"
Joey shrugs before letting out a yawn. "Everything is fine." His voice is still groggy.
I nod as I place the food into two plates and let them sit atop the dining table.
Joey sits down to eat and I follow suit. We eat in silence, Joey telling me about his dream once every now and then.0
Though, all I can think of is his lips, sadly. I just want them on mine. Oh God.
I bite my lip a bit before looking away, not wanting to be obvious about it. I stare down at my food and finish it without any words. Once I'm done, I collect the plates and wash them quickly.
Between everything I do, I think about Joey. It's so unhealthy, yet I can't help it. He's always on my mind and its driving me nuts! I have to talk to someone about it... anyone but Joey, obviously.
I realize that Tess is the only one I could urn to. She gave me advice back when I was in 5th grade; so I bet she still can.
I take out my phone and begin to text Tess.
Me: I'm coming over today. I've got something important to tell you.
Tess: That's fine! I'll be expecting you then, bro. when do you think you're coming?
Me: well, I'm heading out now. It shouldn't take too long.
Tess: okie-dokie!!
I grab my coat and put it on before calling out to Joey. "I'm going over to Tess'," I say. "I'll be back later in the afternoon."
I can hear Joey's loud footsteps as he rushes up the stairs. "Wait. Why're you going over there?"
Usually Joey never questions these things, so this is unusual.
"Uh...to film," I lie. "And just to chill." I nod hesitantly
Dammit I actually need to film something for Sunday.
"Okay...," Joey says, almost sounding unsure.
I nod before heading out the door, feeling a little strange.
I knock once, waiting at the doorstep. I knock again after a few seconds. I wait there, a bit nervously, because I know what I'm about to confess to my sister.
I get a little startled when she opens the door, beaming at me with that smile.
"Alfie!" Tess pulls me into a tight hug, nearly squeezing the life out of me.
I laugh a bit. "Can't breathe!"
She lets go of me. "Oops," she says, giggling. "Come in, come in."
She moves to the side to let me in. I walk in to Tess and Shawn's house and take my shoes off before going into the living room.
Their dog Nala, whom I like to call Alan, comes rushing to me from her spot on Shawn's lap. I smile a little before crouching down to pick her up.
"Hey Alan! Have you been a good dog?" I scratch her head and laugh when she makes a little noise. I put her down and watch as she runs back to Shawn.
"Hey, man," I greet. "How've you been?"
"I've been good, Alfie." Shawn puts the dog back on his lap, petting her gently. "How about you? How's everything?"
"Everything... is okay," I say nodding.
Tess walks into the living room. "So, what's it that you have to tell me?" She asks me.
"Uh..." I look between Tess and Shawn. "I'd like to speak with you privately, if that's okay." I don't know why but I'm suddenly acting polite.
Tess gives Shawn a look before glancing back at me. "Sure that's fine. Come along then." She starts to walk down the hallway, and I follow suit.
She walks into their bedroom and sits down on the bed, patting the spot next to her. "Sit down," she says.
I nod and do as she says.
"So, tell me, what's on your mind, Alfie?"
I take a deep breath. It's now or never. If ten year old me could do it, then twenty-three year old me can do it as well.
I start to bite my bottom lip nervously. "Tess... I might have a crush on someone I shouldn't..." I mumble a bit.
Tess looks at me, seeming frozen for a second before she lets a giggle out.
"Crush?! Alfie Jones has a crush? On who?! Who's the lucky girl?" Tess squeals, giggling.
I frown. "It may or may not be a girl... not to mention, it may be more than just a massive crush.." I chew on my bottom lip, already starting to sweat.
"Is it Joey? Is it? Tell me it is!"
I freeze. She knows. She knew. How did she know? How in hell did she guess it? And why is she so excited?
I frown. "Um..."
Tess frowns as well and wraps her arms around me. "Oh, Alfie. I'm sorry"
"No, you're right. It is...err, Joey." I duck my head, embarrassed and probably blushing.
"I KNEW IT!" her arms wrap around me tighter, making it harder for me to breathe.
"Can't breathe, can't breathe!" I yell trying to escape.
She lets go and snickers. "Sorry... I'm just really happy..."
"Happy? Happy? I've got no chance with him! He's straight! Hell I thought I was straight."
I furrow my eyebrows with pure anger.
Tess tries to hold back a smile.
"What?" I ask, a bit irritated.
"I think he feels the same way. I don't know," she began raising her hands up in the air in a defensive way, I see the way he look at you. And the way you guys care for each other. But seriously, the way he looks at you I don't think it's in a friendly way..." Tess shrugs her shoulders.
I bring my eye brows together in thought.
"I think you should confess."
I flinch a bit at her statement. "No... no, no, no, no, no." I feel my eyes sting with tears. "i.. I cant. Tess, he'll reject me. I just cannot..." I whimper
"Oh, Alfie." Tess frowns deeply, pulling me into an embrace. "It'll be okay I have a plan." She smiles softly, pulling away.
"Plan?" I hold back the tears, not wanting to cry in not of my sister.
"I think you should tell him you're gay. But before that, get someone to act as your boyfriend. If he acts out of place, perhaps a bit disappointed or hurt, I think you should tell him. If he acts normal... well then you shouldn't. Not yet at least"
It sounds like a decent plan to me, so I just nod. "That sounds...alright, I guess."
"Okay, good." She smiles. "I hope everything goes well."
I do too.