Me and You Against the World (Book Five in the Peterick Mpreg Series)

Don't Blame Yourself (Pete's POV)

Emily and I were still in the bathroom talking. Obviously not the best place to talk, but we were alone and I knew she'd listen. She seems a little better anyway, but I'm not. Talking about what happened to me all those years ago made me realize how stupid I actually was. And just thinking about the fact that Patrick still blames himself kills me. There's no way it's his fault. I'm the one who made myself stressed out and I'm the one who made myself drink. He wasn't there shoving alcohol down my throat, not by any means. It was all me. But maybe I should take my own advice. I just got done telling Em that blaming yourself isn't going to help, but we all know that's what Pete Wentz himself does best, right?

"Dad?" Emily asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Hm?" I asked.

"Hey, are you ok?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I sighed. "I promise."

"Alright," she said. "Well, thanks for talking to me."

"You know I'm always here to talk. Patrick and Jaimee too," I said. "Even Joe and Andy, and all of them."

"I know. I really appreciate that," she gave a small half smile.

"Are you ok now?" I asked.

"Yeah, I think I'm just going to go rest in my room or something for a little bit though," Emily said, getting up.

"Alright," I said, getting up as well and opened the door. "Just call us if you need anything."

"Thanks daddy," she said as she wrapped her arms around me.

Emily let go of me a short while later, then walked out of Jaim's room and went to hers. I felt so bad, but I just hope I helped a little bit at least. Once I walked out of the bathroom, Jaimee was standing in Patrick's arms, crying. Nick was standing behind her, rubbing her back. I had a feeling I knew what it was about, so I gave them all an apologetic look, then walked out of the room and went to mine and Patrick's. 

"Hey," Patrick poked his head into the room a few minutes later. 

"Hey," I sniffled, not turning around on the bed to look at him.

"Pete, honey, come here," Patrick said, crawling into the bed next to me and pulling me into his arms. I couldn't help myself, so I started sobbing into his chest. She rubbed my back and hugged me. "W-Why was Ja-Jaim crying?"

"Well, she just got kind of scared when you were talking about what happened to the baby all those years ago," Patrick sighed. 

"I hurt you, I hurt Emily, I hurt Jaimee, and I hurt myself," I cried.

"Pete, stop it," Patrick said.

"How can I?" I asked.

"You just got done telling Emily that blaming yourself is going to get you no where," he said. "You're right. What happened, happened, and we've all learned from it. You can't keep blaming yourself, babe. It's not going to bring the baby back, Pete. All we need to focus on now is that we have three amazing, beautiful kids who are so wonderf ul. Think of all the joy they've brought to us and everyone around us. If it weren't for them, I don't think we'd be as happy as we are now. I mean, look at Emily, Pete. She just got married and went on her honeymoon. And she was going to have a baby, Pete! You and I would have been grandparents. Think of the next time she comes and tells us she's going to have a baby. Think of how happy we'll be, and how happy she'll be from seeing us happy. We can't keep focusing on the negatives in life, hun. We're not going to get anywhere. All we can do is focus on the good things that have happened and the good things that will happen."

"Then you need to stop blaming yourself for what happened to me," I said. "I know you blame yourself about the miscarriage, I know you still crying about it. Trick, I can hear you in the bathroom in the middle of the night sometimes, crying about it, saying it's all your fault. It breaks my heart. I can't stand to see you blame yourself about my stupid choice. I'm telling you right now that what happened was not your fault whatsoever. You need to believe me."

"I do believe you," he sighed, a single tear falling down his cheek. "but I believe myself more."

"Patrick," I said, turning and looking at him. "You can't keep doing that to yourself! It hurts me so much to see you blame yourself for what I did. You can't do that, please. Just believe me, please."

Patrick just looked looked at me and pulled me back into his arms. I laid in his arms, still crying, and he even started crying a little bit too. After a short while, though, we both calmed down, but we were still in each other's arms. A short while after that, we both heard a soft knock on the door.

"Daddy?" Jaimee's voice came through the door.

"Come in, hun," Patrick said.

"Jaim, hun, I just want to say I'm sorry for upsetting you," I said, patting the bed so she would come sit down by me.

"It's ok. I just didn't know that and I guess it just kind of scared me," Jaimee said, crawling onto the bed and resting her head on my side.

"It was scary, but all we need to focus on now it our three beutiful kids," Patrick smiled, stroking Jaim's hair a little bit.

"If you ever want to talk about anything like that, you know we're always here, and you definitely know you've got Em and Nick," I said.

"I know," she said. "I like our family."

"I do too," I chuckled.

"I don't think I'd change it for anything in the world," Patrick smiled. 

Jaimee and the two of us talked for a little while longer, laughing about random, funny stories we were telling. Nick eventually joined us too, laughing hysterically after about two minutes of being around us. I did have to say that I really liked him, and he treated Jaimee well too, which of course, Patrick and I loved. Each of our kids deserve nothing but the best. Although, I did kind of want to kill Jack right now. I knew if I even thought about going over there and talking to him, Emily would have my head, but she's hurting right now and I want to protect my baby girl.

After a short while, Jaimee and Nick left our room and went downstairs. Patrick and I stayed on the bed, curled up in one anothers arms. Just simply being in Patrick's arms made me feel better. I have been thinking about everything that's happened though, and I want to ask Patrick something. And by ask, I mean tell him. He can obviously say no, but I'd be kind of upset, since I know he'd probably like it.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Anything," Patrick kissed my forehead.

"Well, it's more of a statement, not really a question," I chuckled a little.

"Alright, go on," he laughed.

"Patrick, I want another baby," I said.