Me and You Against the World (Book Five in the Peterick Mpreg Series)

They Don't Need To Understand (Emily's POV)

There is no way in hell this happening. No. I was under the assumption that I had only lost one baby, and one baby alone - but no. I lost two. I killed two perfectly amazing lives by being a fucking idiot. It was all me. If I hadn't put myself under so much stress, the first one would still be here, and if I hadn't worked myself up so much, then tried the stupid shit I did to end up in here in the first place, then maybe the second one would still be here too. Why am I so stupid?

"Em, shh, shh, shh," Jack hugged me tighter. 

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" I cried.

"Just calm down," he said, rubbing my back.

"Jack, how can I calm down?" I asked. "I'm responsible for killing two perfectly fine babies."

"Don't you dare talk like that," he said. "You've got to stop blaming yourself for all of this. Em, this could happen to anyone, and it has. Pete told me the whole story about the baby before Jaimee. Em, if anyone should be sitting here, talking to you right now, it's him. You know I've always got you and I'll always be here for you, but this is more Pete's department. I'm going to go get him, but if you want me to stay in here with you two, I will, but if you don't, I'll go stay by Patrick."

"I think it'd be best if he just talks to me," I pulled away from Jack. "Thanks."

"It's nothing," he said, kissing my head as he got up. "I'll be right back. I love you so much."

I nodded at him, then he left the room to go get Pete. I just don't even know what to say right now, let alone what to think. I know if I keep blaming myself, I'm just going to keep getting the same lectures from everyone, but honestly, what am I supposed to do? It is my fault, and mine alone. Everyone's going to say it wasn't, but it is. I was the one carrying the twins, not Pete, not Patrick, and not Jack. They can't speak for me. They can't. 

"Hey, Em," Pete walked into my room quietly.

"Daddy," I cried, then he rushed to my side and took me in his arms while I cried harder.

"Calm down, baby," he hugged me tighter. 

"How can I?" I asked again. "Daddy, I can't. I'm responsible for killing two babies. Not one, but two, and it was all because of my stupid choices. My fucking stupid choices."

"Em, this could happen to anyone," he said. 

"And I'm part of that anyone," I said.

"Emily, you've got to stop beating yourself up about this," he said. "It's not going to bring them back."

"But nobody here knows how I'm feeling," I cried. "Yeah, you kind of do, but you only lost one. I lost two, dad. Two perfectly fine babies. I can't even wrap my head around it yet. None of you can speak for me, you can't say you know how I feel because you don't. You just don't. And you never will! I put myself in this fucking situation. It was all me! You guys didn't put all that stress on me, I put it on myself. You guys didn't make me stay in my room and cry my eyes out, I did. You guys didn't make me have a freaking panic attack, I did. And you guys sure as hell didn't push me into my bathroom and shove pills down my throat and pull a pair of scissors across my wrist, I did. Dad, it was all me! I wish the pills would have fucking worked"

"Are you done now?" Pete asked.

"Y-Yeah," I cried.

"Emily, we are not speaking for you. We know we don't know how you're feeling. I can imagine how you're feeling, though. I know it hurts to lose one baby, but I can only imagine how much it hurts to lose two. Emily, we're only trying to help you and protect you. That's what parents and husbands and sisters do best. We're not trying to tell you how you should be feeling, we're not trying to tell you what you should do. No, we're here, trying to simply help you. I know it's going to take you a while to get over this, Jack too, but you know your family and friends are behind you one hundred percent. You know we've always got your back, and we always will," he explained. "Em, you can say it's your fault all you want, but that's not going to help with any of this. If anything, it's just going to make things worse. You can't keep doing this to yourself. It's not healthy. That, I do know from experience. I can talk about that because I know how that feels and how many things it can fuck up. Emily, you need to stop with all of this. You need to take time once you get out of here and just be alone with Jack. You two need to be together as much as you can, spending time together. He makes you happy, and I know he cares about you so, so much. I'm not saying that you don't have any right to be acting like you are right now, because lord knows you do, but it's just not going to make things better, baby."

I just sat there looking at him. My crying had nearly subsided, but I sat there in ... awe, I guess you could say. I will never know how Pete is so good at calming people down and how he finds the right words to say, even if they are straight forward. Sometimes that's the best way to hear things, especially from him. He's definitely had his battles - everyone knows it - but that just makes everything he says ten times more relatable.

"I love you so much," I hugged him again.

"I love you too, baby girl," he kissed my head. 

"Can you go get Jack?" I asked him.

"Sure," he smiled, then got up and left. A few minutes later, Jack walked through the door, then gave me a small smile. 

"Hi baby," he came over by me. "Are you doing better?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "I will never understand how Pete does what he does."

"Man of many words," Jack chuckled.

"Yeah," I chuckled. "I'm obviously still upset and broken about all of this, but all I want to do is get out of here and just spend time with you right now. You're all I need right now."

"I'm glad Pete could help," Jack smiled, then came and sat next to me on my bed, taking me in his arms.

"Me too," I said. "He made me realize that, yeah, this is going to be hard, but also blaming myself so much like I've been doing isn't going to make things better. I can get through this."

"There's that strong girl I love so much," Jack smiled at me. "and you know I've always got your back no matter what, and if we ever have troubles with anything else, we're going to sit down and talk about it. I don't want a repeat of any of this."

"I don't either," I sighed. "I've had enough 'excitement' for a while."

"Me too," he said. "but, the doctor said you could probably leave not tomorrow, but the next day. As long as you're feeling better, anyway. He wants to keep you overnight tonight just to monitor the cramping and bleeding, but if you're feeling better by tomorrow, then you can probably come home on Wednesday."

"Are you going to stay here with me?" I asked.

"Of course," he smiled, kissing my forehead.