Me and You Against the World (Book Five in the Peterick Mpreg Series)

Me, Myself, And I (Emily's POV)

**GRAPHIC/TRIGGER WARNING**

I really hope Pete and talk some sense into Jack. I know I hurt him - hell, I hurt like everyone - but I didn't think we needed to scream at each other because of it. And because we did that, so much other shit has happened. I'm plagued with so much guilt, I'm so upset, I can't stop crying, I've nearly worked myself up into a few more panic attacks, and I just feel terrible. Both mentally and physically. I feel so sick to my stomach because of all of this. I am just at a loss of what I should do right now.

So, I'm not doing anything.

I've been laying up in my bed since after I asked Pete and Patrick if one or both of them could go talk to Jack. Pete's been gone for nearly and hour now. I hope everything's ok. I'm just so worried. I have so many emotions right now, I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm angry, I feel empty, I'm sad and I can't stop crying, I'm even more depressed now, I'm so tired, but I can't sleep, and all I want to do is be alone right now. I hate all of this, and to top it all off, I still have horrible cramping and I'm still bleeding. The doctor back in Hawaii said that I could bleed for up to two weeks afterwards, and I could still have cramping while it's happening. It sucks. It's just a constant reminder of what could have been.

And that kills me.

Like I said, I can't stop crying. And that's where I am now; I'm just practically hiding under my sheets on my bed and crying my eyes out. I have my door locked because I don't want to see anyone right now, and I keep gripping my stomach from the pain I'm in with the cramps. If I seriously just hadn't put myself under so much stress, maybe I'd be curled up with Jack on our couch right now, talking about the baby or something, but no. I'm back home, in my room, sobbing. All I can think is why me? Why?

"Emily?" I heard Jaimee's voice come through the door. "Are you ok?"

"Never better!" I cried.

"Em, come on. Please let me in," she said. I sighed, then wiped my tears away. I got up from my bed and unlocked the door, then made my way back to my bed and laid down.

"Em," I heard the door open, then Jaim's sad voice fill the room. After a few more seconds, I felt the bed sink down beside me. "Are you doing ok?"

"Never better," I cried again.

"Look at me," she said. I turned over slowly and faced her, but I didn't look at her. "Em."

"I can't help it," I cried.

"What else is going on?" she asked.

"Well, besides the constant crying," I said, sniffling. "I'm still bleeding, I have horrible cramps, I feel so empty, I'm more depressed than I've ever been, I'm so tired, but I can't sleep, and I'm just scared and worried. It's a fucking blast."

"I'm so sorry," she gave me a saddened look.

"And I've nearly worked myself up into a few more panic attacks, and I'm so sick to my stomach right now. I'm literally just disgusted with myself," I cried. 

"I'm going to get Patrick," Jaimee said, but before I could protest, she was already running out of the room.

I turned back over in my bed and kept crying. I knew it was hard for Jaimee to see me like this, but I can't help it. Normally, I try to stay strong in front of my family, especially Jaim, but with this, there's no way I can. I just feel so freaking guilty. After a few more minutes of feeling sorry for myself and even more sobbing, I heard footsteps stop in front of my door for a few seconds, then the side of the bed beside me sunk down again. I knew it was Patrick, so I flipped over quickly and hid my face in his torso and cried even harder. I'm so sick of crying, but I can't help it.