Dirtyhands

fifteen

His eyes flutter open and the room comes into focus. There is a sharp pain in his back, his leg aches and his sides are throbbing. Kaz sits up slowly and his face contorts with pain. He tries to pull his legs to the side of the bed, but his bad leg is too stiff and sore.

He looks at the foot of the bed and sees his cane. Then he looks up and sees a mirror. Someone had cleaned the blood off of his face. He can see a few cuts on his cheeks and one on the bridge of his nose.

He reaches over to his back and grimaces when he feels the scars, already starting to scab over. He shifts his position on the bed, which is no easy and painless task so he can see what marks Pekka has left on him. The word 'Bastard' is carved into his skin.

He runs a gloved hand over the bottom of the 'B' and glares at the scar. Then he hears footsteps. He pulls the shirt down and reaches for the cane.

"You're up." A familiar voice says. It's a voice that he doubted he would ever hear again. It's Nina.

"Yeah." Kaz rasps and rubs his sore knee.

"Drink," Nina states and hands him a glass of water.

Kaz takes it and hesitantly downs the liquid.

"So, Brekker, what kind of trouble did you get yourself into?" Nina hums and takes a seat next to him.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," Kaz replies. It's isn't a lie but it's an exaggerated truth.

"Mhm," Nina responds, skeptically. " You know that Jesper has Rollins tied up in the basement... Right?" She asks.

Kaz feels his heart skip a beat. "hmm." He hums.

A chill runs up Nina's spine when she sees the bloodlust in Kaz's eyes. "Bye Brekker." She breaths and turns to leave.

"Close the door on you're way out," Kaz says softly and watches Nina evacuate.

He leans back, only to be met with a sharp pain in his back. Thoughts of what he is going to do to Rollins flood his mind. A smile creeps across his face.

For the longest time revenge was the only thing that kept him going. Now he was so close. So close to avenging his brother, but a dark thought crosses his mind. The grin falters. 'Would Jordie want this?' He thinks.

His brother had been good, kind, but he was also naive and young. He probably would have been mortified at the person that Kaz had become. The person that Kaz had been would have been terrified at the monster that the harsh city of Ketterdam had forged.

Kaz lets out a soft sigh as he comes to terms with the truth of why he is still out for blood. It isn't for Jordie. It's for himself. It's to make Rollins pay for every time Kaz had to flinch away from someone's touch or he felt the water rising in his throat, only to realize that he is on dry land. He wants Rollins to feel how he felt on the reapers barge. How weak he was. Most of all, he wanted Rollins to feel all hope drain from his body until nothing is left.

He looks out a window and at the harbor. Memories flood into his mind. The first is when he had arrived in Ketterdam with Jordie.

*Flashback*

"Jordie, look." Kaz had whispered from inside their cabin on the ship. His eyes were wide with awe as he watches the city appear.

"Kaz, come on. We need to get above deck. It's almost time to get off." Jordie says. His eyes looked hopeful, but beneath that hope, there was still sorrow. Their father was still dead.

Kaz was too young to fully understand the concept of death. Jordie had told him that their father was gone and not coming back.

It was the truth but at the time Kaz couldn't grasp the finality of death. How there was no coming back. It was all over.

Kaz had jumped up and grabbed his bag. He was ready to get off of the ship.

"What are we going to do when we get off the boat?" Kaz had asked and looked up at his older brother.

"We are going to find ourselves a new home. Then I'm going to get a job. Maybe I'll become a merchant." Jordie had answered with a smile.

*end of flashback*

If only they had known what was coming. That the moment they stepped off that ship, their fates had been sealed.

Kaz wonders what their lives could have been like if Jordie hasn't sold their father's farm. If they had stayed and lived out their days there.

Kaz shakes his head. There is no going back. All he can do now is push forward.

Kaz breaths out. He tries to relax and closes his eyes. Slowly sleep starts to take hold. It's a blank kind of sleep. No dreams, no nightmares. Just rest.

*Rollins POV*

Rollins looks into the darkest corner of the room. He has been thinking about his life. He doubts that he is going to survive this so it seems like a good time to reflect and try to figure out how he got into this mess.

He thinks about all of his past sins. He can still remember his first crime. Nobody forgets their first. It's was simple, yet effective. He had stolen a silver watch from an old man. He can remember the thrill of taking the watch and the excitement of the crime. He didn't steal out of necessity. He stole for the fun of it after that. Then he killed for the fun of it. He had built an empire out of his pleasures.

He starts to remember some of his other crimes. They weren't memorable. Mostly scams. Those were the far more boring crimes, but they had a large payoff. He can remember this one where he had tricked these two young boys into trusting him and then he took everything from them. They had been so foolish. They practically handed their saving to him. They were too young and trusting. They seemed to have genuinely thought that he had their backs.

Realization flashes in Rollins' eyes. The youngest one was Brekker. That explained the vendetta he seemed to have against him.