The colours of love

My Life

“You don’t want to give your self a chance, fine. Don’t give. You don’t want to live for yourselves, fine. But you have to live for your husband. Who happens to support you no matter what. Who expects that you will get better one  day. That you will be happy one day. He is ready to wait for that one day. It may be tomorrow, next year or next decade. I don’t think so, he would give upon you. So you have to start living for him.  You have to bounce back for him. “

I remembered my psychiatrist, Dr.Sitara speak, sitting in the board meeting. Yes, board meeting! Dev had asked me to come join the board of meeting, because I was one of the board of directors. Dev had transferred half if his shares to me.  When? I don’t know.

So here I am listening to  the board members arguing about the finances. The past month had been difficult to Dev, who did not concentrate on his work as much as he used to do before. He did not bother about the finances, completely believing Layla with it. She has done a job. But the meeting is for discussing the finances for opening the new medical college in Anantapur.

“I think we should cut down on the facilities we proivide. Our education system has always been providing  the facilities which no other educational system has ever provided. And our fee is much less compared to few corporate schools and colleges,” Layla said.

“Not happening, Ms.Layla. Vallabhaneni educational institutions represents trust. A trust that we provide them, what they signed up for. There is no way, we are breaking that trust,” Dev said.

And i zoned out after that. I still kept thinking about my doctor's advice. Since the day, I had met Dev and his family, they have done nothing but trust me and support me. They have always held me no matter how many times I have fallen. And the only thing they have expected me is to stand up. Can I do it though? Kiran did not just hurt me physically but he broke me emotionally. I had thought Kiran had ruined me for other men, four years back. But no, he truly ruined me for Dev now. He is so pure, so calm, so caring. And I am tainted. And now have stopped caring either.

When I said that to Attayya, she said, “If you are tainted, then think of Maan. I mean, if he would have to talk bath in Ganga, she would get tainted.”

I was lost. This would have been so much better, had I not had a supportive family. But my family, it’s fighting along with me. My court case  has been moved to fast track and a closed hearing, Because of the two high profile families involved in the case. Chinna Maavayya, Anoop is fighting the case. Having a criminal lawyer at home is useful, especially when you are not supposed to hide anything from your doctor and lawyer. I felt uncomfortable in the beginning, but with Dev holding my hand, I told everything I endured in a week’s time.
People had idea about what I have gone through, because of my condition  and my medical reports. Telling them scared me. Because, now they will know everything. It's open and clear. Agreed that it was just Attayya, Dev, Chinna Maavayya and I, but it still was uncomfortable. I relived everything again, as I told them. By the end of it i was a crying mess. I almost had a panic attack. But with Dev squeezing my hand, I calmed down. No matter what my brain thinks, no matter how logically my thoughts are processed, my mind subconsciously believes in Dev. It still believes Dev will make Every thing right. It still calms down, with Dev in vicinity.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt someone nudge me. I looked to my side, to see Layla . She then pointed to one of the board directors. He looked at me expectantly. What did I miss.

“That is a good point, Naidu Gaaru. Looks like you have made Mrs.Vallabhaneni here,think hard. So tell me Mrs.Vallabhaneni, what new thing do you think we should try, that will increase our school standards and admissions?” Dev said.