The Book of Random

An Excerpt from my Latest Project

So, this is a scene from my latest project, a fantasy satire parody. I'm collecting all the fantasy cliches and turning them into one story, which should hopefully point out the error in using them.

Feel free to let me know what you think! :D

Tu'f pulled open the creaky wooden door of the inn, which also doubled as a tavern, and he and Du'ling walked in. They were greeted by the overpowering smell of meat and broth.

"Ah!" said Tu'f, "Smells like another batch of stew is being made."

"I hope not," Du'ling replied, "I hate stew."

They walked over to the bar, the creaking floor ever creaking, which helped them to seem important. A young man, who was short, thin, looked very bored and was dressed in a creased, leather apron, stood there with a frown on his face.

"What do ya want?"

"Well, what have you got?" asked Du'ling.

"Unfortunately, we only serve beer here and seeing as you two are minors..."

"Oh, don't worry about that," said Tu'f, "In this fantasy world, there is no legal drinking age."

"Why, you're right! Two beers coming up!"

Before they were motioned to their table, Tu'f asked a burning question that had been on his mind for the entire conversation. "Aren't all innkeepers supposed to be tall, fat and jovial? You don't seem to fit the bill."

The man glared at him. "Of course I'm not the innkeeper!" He motioned to the tall, fat and obviously jovial man who was laughing heartily with some guests. "That's the innkeeper, who happens to be my father."

"Oh..." Tu'f shifted his gaze back and forth between the two men, trying to find some resemblance. Seeing none, he turned and escorted Du'ling, with much protesting, to the table.

A barmaid sauntered up to their table, bearing two tankards of ale. "Here's your beer," she said in a high pitched voicce, plopping the tankards down on the table and in true bar style, splashing Tu'f and Du'ling in the process. "Did ya both want anything to eat?"

"Of course! We're starving," Du'ling said, clutching her stomach. "What do you have?"

"Well, we have stew, bread and stew, bread, cheese and stew, fruit and stew, stew, stew, toasted sandwich and stew, stew, stew, stew, fruit and stew, stew, stew, stew, and stew-"

"Have you got anything without stew in it?" asked Du'ling.

"Of course not! Stew is our speciality! We've got to serve it in everything!"

"But, could I order something and not have the stew with it?"

The barmaid glared at her. "Why WOULDN'T you want the stew? Stew is great! Stew comprises every meal a protagonist has in a fantasy world!"

Du'ling looked confused. "Excuse me? What on earth is a protagonist?"

"Never mind that. Now, will you have the stew or not?"

Tu'f set down his ale and sighed. "Du'ling, don't worry. I'll have your stew. I love it! I'm getting the stew, stew, stew, fruit and stew."

"Oh, we're all out of fruit."

"Well, could you replace it with stew then?"

Again, the barmaid glared at him.

"Nevermind."

"I'll take the bread, cheese and stew," Du'ling said, giving a knowing look to Tu'f. "Provided someone helps me.."

"Fine then." The indignent barmaid strode back to the kitchen, empty tankards in hand. Even though I didn't say they were drinking, obviously they were, since the barmaid was carrying their empty tankards back to be refilled.

And that's the end! For now...

(And yes. If you've seen the Monty Python skit, the last part parodies one of their sketches. xD)

I'll try to keep posting more bits like this as I write it. I'm taking a different approach to writing this one, so I'll see how it goes...

Oh and HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY EVERYONE! :D