Harry Styles Imagines

40 - Endings

ENDINGS

                                                Harry plops down on the couch beside me, taking the remote from the table in front of us and changes channels. I sit beside him, not saying a word. He puts an arm around me and tries to pull me closer and I hesitantly snuggle against his side.

 "Is it okay that changed channels? I can—" Harry starts but I interrupt him by saying, "S'alright. Wasn't interested in the show anyway."

 The whole time that Harry is watching TV I try to figure out how I feel in Harry's arms. I'm used to feeling like home, I'm used to warmth and a feeling of love when I'm in Harry's arms and right now I'm not feeling any of it. I just have an arm around my shoulder and this pains me.

 "Are you okay, baby? You've been so quiet since...I don't know, for a long time already," Harry turns his head a bit to me but his eyes are still focused on the TV screen, "I noticed and I'm starting worry. Are you all right?"

 Finally, Harry turns his head to me and I search for the overwhelming feeling which I used to feel every time I looked into his eyes, but again, there is nothing.

 "Harry, I have a...no, it's not a problem. Well, it kind of—I don't know. Let's just call it a problem. Harry, I have a problem." I tell him and sit straight up, moving out of his arms to face him properly.

 Harry turns the volume down to understand what I'm saying. I don't even have a clue how to start, what to say, how to explain what I'm feeling without hurting him.

 "What is it, baby? Tell me," Harry begs me after I didn't continue, "Tell me so I can help you with whatever it is."

 "I don't think you can help me here, Harry, I don't think it's possible this time."

 "There's always a solution."

 "Yes, you're right and I'm fully aware of what this solution is going to be and I don't think you'll like this." I tell him seriously and Harry becomes silent after this. His mind seems to catch up with what I'm saying without really saying it.

 I hear Harry breathing and I see his hands tensing up and then seconds later relax again. "Is this what I think it is?" Harry asks nervously and I look up to meet his scared green eyes.

 "I don't know. What do you think is this?" I asks even though we both definitely know what this is.

 "Are you trying to break up with me? Is that why you've distanced yourself from me?"

 "I loved you all the time, Harry, but it just doesn't work anymore."

 "What doesn't work anymore? Tell me so I can make it work." Harry begs me desperately and it hurts to see how much he is clinging on this tiny bit of nothing.

 "We didn't work anymore, Harry, and there is nothing to fix," I try to explain to him and take his hands in mine, "It just kinda stopped. I don't know how or why. But when I look at you...there is not this feeling, this feeling that I used to feel."

 Harry stares at our intertwined hands for a second and then tightens his grip around my hands. He does not cry but I know that he is close. His bottom lips is trembling and he often clears his throat.

 "If you didn't know how it happened, how do you know then that you don't love me anymore?"

 "I started to love the memories we have more than I love you," I tell him and those words had to pain him because they even hurt me myself, "I thought about this for a long time and it always ended with me thinking that I can't leave you because look at all the memories we have together. But this is why I have to end this, why this is over. My only reason to stay is because I love what we had and not what we're having right now."

 "I don't understand this." Harry says quietly and I put my fingers under his chin so he has to look at me. His green eyes are glossy and he looks hurt and lost.

 "I wish I wouldn't have to but clinging on something I felt in the past won't help me in the future. I loved you, Harry, I loved you so so much but—"

 Harry breaks me off by doing something I did not expect. His body jerks forward and he pulls my lips against his. The kiss is rushed and hard and desperate. There is nothing passionate or loving in it. And the kiss does not last long. Quickly, Harry pulls away and his eyes are filled with worry as his hands are cupping my cheeks.

 "You didn't feel anything?" Harry asks and I shake my head, "Nothing? Nothing at all? Not a tiny bit? I need to know what I'm doing wrong. I love you, Y/N, I don't—Don't let this be over, please."

 "It's been over for a long time already, we just didn't notice." I tell him and Harry's head drops. I only move a few inches forward to press a kiss on his head, my fingers touching his soft curls.

 "You still mean so much to me, Harry, how could you not? I don't want you out of my life."

 "You just want me out of your heart." Harry mumbles and I almost said, "You already are",  but I know it would hurt him even more and neither of us needs to feel more pain at the moment.

 "I hate you for giving up on us." Harry says and his hands let go of my cheeks.

 "It's okay, you can hate me."

 "No, I love you, Y/N. I always did." Harry sniffs and I may stopped loving him but I still care about him. I care so much about him, seeing him crying breaks my heart over and over again.

 If I could return back to the time where I loved him with all my heart, I would. I don't know whether I would be doing this for Harry's or my sake but I would love him again if I had the chance to. But there is just nothing that even relates to the feeling I once had for handsome man in front of me.

 "You know, I don't want to hurt you."

 "Then don't leave me!" Harry says louder, frustrated and needy. I always loved how he fought for something but he needs to realize that this is not worth fighting for.

 "Harry, it's better for you too or do you want to spend your life with someone who doesn't feel the same way as you do?"

 "You could love me again," Harry says, calmer now, "You fell in love with me once maybe I can make you fall for me a second time."

 "Do you see the mistake, Harry? You said 'maybe'. You're not sure yourself that I will feel the same way again. And as long as I don't feel this way I don't want to hurt you with being around even though there is nothing close to love from my side. You need to be happy and I can't give you any of the happiness you deserve, no matter how much you wish it'd be me right now."

 Harry does not say anything anymore after I said this. His jaw dropped a bit and his eyes look hastily around, not knowing what to look at. And I stare at Harry. His bright green eyes filled with tears hold an expression of pain that I can't bear to look at.

 "I wish I was enough to make you happy." Harry murmurs.

 "You were, Harry, you did make me happy."

 "But not anymore," Harry states, "I'm not enough for you."

 "Don't say this."

 "But it's true." He says and I sigh.

 "I'm gonna stay at my friend's place until I figured out where I'll be living." I say and get up from the couch with a heavy heart. I would do everything to prevent him from feeling this pain.

 But before I can exit the living room I hear Harry's voice saying, "You may stopped loving me, but I didn't stop loving you," Harry tells me, "And you may think this is our end but I'm still going to fight for us."

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