Aren't you happy for me?

11) We are good, Decky

Something in Ant snapped by hearing this sad voice. It wasn't his fault, was it? He had tried, he had really tried to pull himself together, but he couldn't. He felt the anger rising in him. It wasn't his bloody fault!

"Yes, of course... yes, I do want to spend time with you. But like before, like before that guy!" Ant exclaimed and the second he had said it he regretted it. He had sworn to himself to never say this out loud in front of Dec, but he hadn't been able to keep it in for any longer. Luckily, Dec didn't let him any time to think about it any more.

"Well, this guy is part of me now! And he makes me very happy!" Dec snapped, turned around and stomped away.

"Decky, I..." Ant started and ran after his best friend. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that... You know I like him."

"Do you now?" Dec shouted and turned around. "You know what, Ant? You are acting strangely since I am with him. What's wrong with you? I thought you are happy for me, you said you were happy for me..." Dec's voice broke once again and tears filled his eyes and Ant felt suddenly incredibly guilty.

"I am, come here" he said lovingly and pulled Dec close.

At first Dec tried to fight the hug, but Ant just didn't let go and finally, Dec relaxed and wrapped his arms around Ant. Quiet sobs escaped the smaller man's frame and Ant felt even guiltier. The last thing he wanted was to make his best friend cry.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." Ant whispered against Dec's hair and planted a loving kiss on his head.

"It's alright" Dec sighed. "I know I overreacted" he added and pulled away to look Ant into his eyes. "I just... Ant, you have always been a big part of my life and I just... You were so different... So withdrawn... Is there something you want to tell me? Is something bothering you? I am a bit worried about you..."

Ant was totally taken aback by that. "I... err... no... I just.... hm..." he stuttered and put his hand on Dec's shoulder, taking a deep breath to concentrate again. "I'm sorry, I'll try to do better, okay? I am just a bit stressed at the moment, but I shouldn't take it out on you, sorry."

"Okay, but you would tell me if there was something, wouldn't you?" Dec asked with those beautiful big puppy eyes.

Ant sighed loudly and nodded. "I would" he confirmed and hugged Dec again. "How about we go golfing next Saturday? Like the old times, eh?"

Dec giggled and that sound was the sweetest Ant had ever heard. Especially after Dec had cried.

"So that's a yes then?" Ant grinned.

"That's a yes" Dec smiled and squeezed Ant one more time before separating again. "So we are good?"

"We are good, Decky. I'm sorry" Ant said and he had to suppress the tears flooding his eyes because he was so touched that Dec wanted them to be good. At the same time, his heart started aching again. He was reminded of how amazing Dec was, how absolutely beautiful and gorgeous.

"Good, have to go now, Stephen said he would make dinner, don't want to let him wait" Dec smiled and turned to leave.

"Of course, thanks for coming" Ant smiled and ran his hand over Dec's head quickly.

He managed to guide him to the door and pull him in for a hug one last time before he left. When he closed the door behind him, he finally let the tears fall.

Dec was just perfect and he was achingly reminded of that today. He was so sweet and gentle and he had come all the way to speak with him.

Ant knew he should have thrown him out, he should have kept his distance. Should have snapped at him or anything to keep his distance. But seeing Dec so upset about everything, he hadn't been able to. And he missed him so much. So fucking much. He wiped his tears away with the sleeve of his sweater and sighed loudly.

He just didn't understand why something like this happened to him. And he knew spending time with Dec again would be torture, but it was somehow like a drug, he needed Dec in his life. It had always been like that and he had suffered so much over the last two weeks without him, although that hadn't even been a great amount of time.

Ant knew if he wanted to keep Dec in his life he had to accept Dec's relationship. But how was he supposed to do that when his heart ached every time he saw Dec with Stephen?

Every time Stephen made his best friend laugh. Every time Stephen touched his Declan. Every time Stephen kissed those gorgeous lips Ant had imagined kissing a thousand times already. Every time it fucking hurt so much.

'Okay, you really have to stop this!' Ant said to himself and took a deep breath. It was the way it was and he had to deal with it. End of.