Aren't you happy for me?

19) You should have talked to me

"Oh God, this is all a fucking mess" Dec said and sighed. "And I asked myself what I did wrong and all the time... you should have talked to me, Ant."

Ant only shrugged his shoulders, he didn't dare to say something and he didn't dare to look at Dec. He was so ashamed and embarrassed and he felt so guilty about everything that had happened.

"Can you please look at me?" Dec whispered.

Ant raised his head slowly and finally dared to look his best friend in the eyes. Dec just looked at him like always, nothing indicated that he was mad or devastated or any sort of that.

"I don't know what to say" Ant whispered and sighed.

"You tell me how you feel, now... Ant, please" Dec begged. "I felt so distant from you, that's not like us, I want to know what's happening inside of you, we were always like that."

Ant was a bit taken aback by Dec's strength and the determination in his voice. So he nodded and started talking.

How he was shocked when Dec had gotten together with Stephen, how he was at the same time happy for him because his eyes had sparkled so much, how he had tried to push his feelings aside, how he had told himself that he should be happy, how he didn't want to lose him and how he had tortured himself on purpose to get his head around it.

How he had tried to accept it, and how he had broken down and how he had realised he couldn't do it, how torn he had been because he wanted them to be friends but how he had reached a point where he couldn't take it anymore and how he had pushed Dec away in the hope of moving on and Dec hating him so he could deal with it.

How Dec crying on his doorstep had made him realise that he would always love him and had to be there for him, how he tried to get through to him and how he thought he had lost him and how that had led to him being courageous and wanting to tell him everything so that they could start again.

Dec listened with his mouth wide open, he couldn't believe this. How was it possible that he hadn't noticed any of this? How was it possible that his best friend had struggled so much with everything and he didn't have a single clue? Why had he only seen himself? Why the hell had he not noticed?

"Ant, I..." he stuttered once Ant was finished with his little emotional monologue.

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything, it means a hell of a lot that you even listened" Ant said and smiled sadly.

"I... I can't... you know...?" Dec stuttered again. He absolutely didn't know what to say or how to feel.

"Hey, I said it's alright" Ant said and sighed. "It's alright, it's all a mess."

"Hm" Dec nodded. He couldn't believe this. Still now, Ant was understanding as ever and Dec could only imagine how hard everything must have been for him over the last months. "I'm sorry."

"What?" Ant exclaimed and he had to chuckle a bit. "Don't be stupid, none of this is your fault."

"Well, I should have noticed. I should have talked to you..." Dec said sheepishly.

"You tried to, I know you did. In your own way, but I cut you off" Ant said and sighed. "Decky, I know you. Unfortunately that also means I know how to hurt you and for that I am so so sorry, I was so selfish..."

"Okay, we should stop this now" Dec smiled.

"Aye" Ant agreed. "I am glad I told you though."

"Me too" Dec sighed. "Can I... can I maybe sleep here?"

"Of course" Ant smiled and got the guestroom ready for Dec.

"Ant" Dec said when Ant wanted to turn around to go to sleep himself.

"Hm?" Ant said and he suddenly sounded very exhausted and Dec could see how much this all affected him.

"You didn't break your promise" Dec said and hugged him. "Despite everything, you didn't break your promise. You were there when I needed you. Always."