Aren't you happy for me?

13) It's better this way

Ant had thought a lot about talking to Dec and after talking with his sister again he had really planned to.

But when it came to going home and meeting up with Dec the next day, he had become incredibly scared and he had called Dec and had told him he wouldn't be able to come. He had heard the devastation in Dec's voice but he had ignored it.

It hurt him, of course it did. Especially after their last encounter where he had felt so close to Dec again. But he just couldn't do it. Of course he felt a bit guilty for hurting Dec in cancelling but he knew it was all better this way.

Dec could be happy with Stephen and Ant could keep his distance for a while. He couldn't do this, he was at his wits end.

He knew it was a bit unfair on Dec, but he just couldn't bring himself to talk to him. He would just keep his distance. It was better that way. He knew it. And although it hurt, he promised himself to stick to his plan.

He knew he hurt Dec with that, but he also hoped that it would make it easier for Dec to cope with it. He hoped he would just start to hate him in a way, so he could cope with it better.

Ant thought it was a way better plan than confessing everything to Dec. Because he knew it would do even more damage. Now he could control the outcome in a way, he would just keep the contact down.

He had to let go, he knew that. For his own sake, he had to let go and move on. Dec was with Stephen and if it hurt him that much he had to keep his distance.

*****

"Hey, you still have me, doesn't that count?" Stephen asked and ran a finger down Dec's chest.

"That's different" Dec sighed.

"Oh, is it now?" Stephen snapped. "Listen, you act like someone has died or something."

"Well, it sure feels like it" Dec said and lowered his head.

"Dec, now you are being ridiculous!" Stephen exclaimed and stood up. "He just doesn't want to be friends anymore, you have to accept that. He turned you down every single time since that golf incident. You have to accept that! He doesn't even deserve you when he is acting like that."

"No, don't say that!" Dec now shouted. "I know him, he loves me. Something is off about him and I want to help him."

"You should hear yourself!" Stephen said angrily and turned to leave the room. "You are obsessed, Dec! Since this golf incident you are acting strangely! Just leave him be for God's sake! Do I not matter to you at all?!"

With that Stephen was out the door and Dec sighed. "Shit" he exclaimed and punched the sofa. He knew he had nothing else to talk about, to think about, to feel about.

He knew it wasn't really fair on Stephen, but his boyfriend didn't even try to understand. He knew how special Ant was to him, always had been. And now he should just drop him? Should just accept this and say 'so what?'. That wasn't like Dec and Stephen knew that. Or did he?

Dec felt suddenly so lonely. Not even Stephen understood him, he didn't even make the effort to do so. Dec got his key out and looked at Ant's present and that was when he felt the tears again.

He hadn't heard from him in two weeks now and his heart was aching. How he craved a hug from his best friend right now. Ant had always known how to make him better, how to make him laugh, how to find a solution. No matter what it had been.

But now he was alone. His boyfriend had stormed off and his best friend didn't want to speak to him anymore. Dec clutched the keyring and started sobbing.