Aren't you happy for me?

15) It's alright, I've got you

Somehow he had ended up on Ant's doorstep. He was still crying like mad, he hadn't stopped once on his way there. With shivering fingers he rang the bell and his heart was pounding hard in his chest.

"What the-?" Ant exclaimed when he opened the door but immediately froze when he saw a sobbing Declan in front of it. "Decky" he said and  without another word engulfed him in a hug and held him tight, guiding him into the living room.

Dec was sobbing hard against Ant's chest, the feelings overwhelmed him completely, feeling those familiar arms around him, his best friend's familiar scent streaming through his nose.

"God, Decky, what happened?" Ant asked and Dec could hear how concerned he was, but he wasn't able to reply.

"Shh, shh, it's alright, I've got you, I've got you" Ant said gently and ran his hand over Dec's head. It only made Dec cry harder and he couldn't stop.

Ant was beyond worried about Declan. Sure, he had seen him cry before, but never like this. His sobs were so harsh and painful and Ant had to compose himself to not cry along by seeing his friend so broken.

"Decky, calm down. You make yourself sick, come on" Ant said lovingly and rubbed his back. He sat down with Dec and let him snuggle into his side. "Shh, it's alright, come on."

At some point, after a ridiculous amount of crying, Dec fell asleep. Ant was actually relieved about that, at least he had managed to calm him down. He gently lowered Dec's body onto the sofa and put a blanket over him before stroking his head for a bit.

Seeing Dec again brought back all those feelings and he realised he had been kidding himself. His heart belonged to Dec, one quadrillion percent and he knew there was nothing he could do about it.

Seeing Dec like this broke his heart and he swore to himself to never let him alone again. He hadn't been there when whatever this was had happened and he felt incredibly guilty.

They had promised each other more than once to always be there for each other. No matter what. Tears erupted in Ant's eyes when he thought about that. No, he wouldn't let him alone anymore.

When Dec woke up, he looked around and saw Ant sleeping in the armchair opposite of him. He smiled at that and slowly got up to make some coffee. He felt slightly better but his head was killing him.

This whole situation was still a mess, but it had shown him one thing. Ant clearly cared about him. Still. He would never break his promise and Dec knew that.

Dec put the coffee cup in front of Ant and watched him sleep for a bit. And just when he wanted to leave, Ant stirred and woke up.

"Hey" Dec said sheepishly and smiled awkwardly at Ant.

"Hi, how are you?" Ant asked and stretched his neck.

"Made you coffee" Dec replied, ignoring Ant's question.

"Thanks" Ant said and took a sip.

"Thank you, Ant" Dec said after a while and Ant stood up and joined Dec on the sofa.

"No problem, mate" And said out of habit and Dec looked at him with wide eyes. "I... err... you want to tell me what this was all about?"

Dec quickly shook his head. He couldn't. He couldn't tell Ant, Ant would feel guilty, he knew him. After all he was kind of the reason all this had happened. He couldn't know that he had a fight with Stephen because of him, yet again. And that Dec just wanted everything to go back to normal between them, he couldn't do that.

"Okay, that's alright" Ant smiled and Dec just stared at him.

Did he say that it was alright? Just like that? Dec felt tears welling up in his eyes again. It somehow overwhelmed him that Ant just respected that, that he respected him that much. That he cared about him and respected him. Still.

When Stephen's face came to his mind and how he always pushed him to talk and ignored his crying at times when he was angry and Dec didn't want to talk, Dec lost it and started crying again.

"Hey hey" Ant immediately said and pulled Dec close. "What's made you so sad, eh?" he said lovingly and stroked his side for a bit. But he didn't even expect a response.

This time, Dec managed to compose himself quicker. He knew there was no sense in crying on and on.

He took a deep breath and looked Ant in the eyes. His Ant. He didn't know why but he suddenly felt incredibly guilty and embarrassed at the same time and so he stood up and Ant did the same.

"I... err... I should go... Stephen is probably worried sick like" Dec stuttered, although he wasn't even sure about that.

"Sure" Ant said and in a way he was relieved that Dec wanted to go. On the other hand, he wanted him to stay forever, be there for him, talk this through.

Seeing Dec like that and holding him so close had induced quite a lot in him and he was a bit overwhelmed himself by all those emotions. So maybe it was for the better if he left for now. Ant guided him to the door and hugged him one last time.

"I am always there for you, okay?" Ant said and he knew it was stupid to say that because they weren't even on good terms at the moment, although he had held Dec for a solid two hours the night before until he was asleep, but still it was a bit tense between them.

Dec could feel the tears coming again by hearing Ant say that and he quickly disentangled himself and nodded before making his way down the street. He couldn't do this. He was exhausted. This was all a mess.