Android: Become Deviant (Connor x Reader)

Chapter Sixteen

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P] 82:39:71

I felt someone's stare on the back on my head. I  turned around quickly, frantically looking for the source, but I saw nothing except for the occasional car passing by or the rare strike of lightning in the murky grey sky.

I took a breath and continued walking along the slick sidewalks. Paranoia really sucks. A finger taps my shoulder making me jump.

"Ah!!" I screech, holding my hands out.

Nothing was there. Just me and the lonely streets. I sigh, staring at my reflection in a puddle on the sidewalk. I look around before walking back home in a brisk pace.

I pulled my headphones out from my hoodie pocket and placed them into my ears. I looked back at musicales from the 2010s. Ooh.. Hamilton is good. So is Heathers, Dear Evan Hansen, Be More Chill and Newsies... I shuffle my playlist. For Forever plays in my ears as I stroll the park grounds.

I stare at the abandoned swing set and slide. I let breath escape my lips quickly. I've never been on a playground. I've only ever been an adult.. I set a determined look in my eyes and march over to the drenched play area. I go onto the stairs leading to the slide. I sit down, already soaked, and slide, a small giggle escaping my lips. Suddenly everything around me shifts.

Sunlight beams down onto me in a soft ray. I look around at kids running and playing games. I look down at myself. I look so... short... I grab my phone, For Forever ending. I turn on my camera, using it as a mirror.

I look so.. young.. almost unrecognizable... I.. Am I a child?

"Hello?" I test my voice.

It comes out a high girlish squeak. I cover my mouth. What? I grin widely. I run over to the swing set, jumping on. I push off of the ground and eventually end up to where I am about to flip the whole set. I giggle as I jump off, landing on my butt with a grunt.

I run over to the unoccupied tire swing and hop on, the momentum swinging me. I push and try to spin as much as possible, laughing the whole time. As I run around, a hand clasps around my mouth. I try to cry out, but the hand muffles my voice. Everyone and the warmth around me fades back into a storm. The hand over my mouth disappears. I look at a puddle, my reflection showing my adult looking face.

I look around and notice everything progressively turning darker. I can't see five feet ahead of me... I see Hank in front of me.

"Hank!" I smile.

He turns around and sees me. He glares at me and turns away.

"Hank...?" I ask nervously.

"Fuck off, you plastic prick." He growls.

"What—?"

"You're nothing but a malfunctioning machine. You can't do anything right." He says in a growl.

"It's your fault that we didn't catch Aiden and interrogate him. Your fault that he's dead."

"Why can't you do anything right? You even had the nerve to lie to me. I trusted you and you played me like a fucking card. I thought you were different... Thought you were honest and loyal.. you always had a crack in your program..."

I feel a warm substance collect in the corner of my eye.

"H-Hank.. I-I had t-to!! You don't understand, if you knew, it would b-blow my cov—"

"Your cover? That damn mask you use to hide yourself. You're a fraud, Y/n, a fucking fraud. You only hide and cower.. you can't ever be honest, can you?" He asks, glaring at me.

"Fuck this. I'm out. I'm going to get drunk so I don't have to deal with your shit anymore."

I feel something stomp down on my self esteem. My vision blurs with tears. I scrub my eyes as I see Chloe.

"Chloe!! You have to help!! Hank—"

"Quiet. Please. You only complain... It's so annoying.. does anything kind and happy ever come out of your mouth?" She asks.

"Wh-what..?" I ask.

"You never have anything positive to say.. only problematic negative stuff.." she sighs before fading.

Another slap across my small ego. I see Addison. "Adi!! I know your not going to be upset with me!! You're my best fri—"

"Shut up. Just stop. How can I not be upset? I am so disappointed in you.. you didn't even help Sarah, the poor android... you show no empathy.. you failed as an android... You failed as a daughter..." she looks away.

I feel the pain of someone stepping onto me. Hot tears slip down my face as I take a shaky breath, looking around the darkness surrounding me. I see Connor, his face blank.

"You are an anomaly, Y/n.." he says.

Before I can say anything, he holds a hand up. "Don't even try to deny it.. Nothing about you seems... Correct.. you don't look appealing.. you don't sound like a normal person.. you act like a robot.. you are just... incorrectly made... a mistake.. a failed experiment.. dysfunctional.."

"You don't deserve the people around you... you don't deserve anything. You are just a waste.."

As he leaves, another blow delivered to my confidence and pride.

Voices fill my head, making me clamp my hands to my ears, trying to mute the sound.

Waste
Ugly
Stupid
Anomaly
Worthless
Hated
Empty
Idiotic
Negative
Not human
Not android

Go kill yourself

I sob as I sink to my hands. "I am an android..! I can't kill myself!! It would be unwise and dumb!!" I say.

Destroy the last bit of your self esteem
You don't deserve it
Smash it
Crush it
Flush it down the drain

The voices make me want to scream as I grab the two words in my sight.

Self esteem

I grab the word me and break them into pieces, the black ink of the typed letters staining my hands.

More..
Just die already
I don't love you
Get away from me
Kill yourself
I can't believe I called you a friend

I squeeze my eyes shut as everything turns black. "—No!!" I cry.

I look around, my cheeks tear stained. I notice that I am gripping my bedsheets. I am in my bed. At my home. Nobody's here... I look down at my hands. Nothing. I hug my knees, my breath shallow and quick.

I close my eyes and sob, my body racking with cries. I'm an android.. why am I dealing with this?! I shouldn't be human.. I am not human.. isn't this what humans are supposed to feel?! I am no human.. just.. a failed experiment... is this what having real emotions feels like..? Like I am not enough...? I bury my face into my knees, letting all of my kept tears out.