Hank and Jess had something in their marriage most couples cannot claim, an unbelievable connection and fierce love for each other. While on a mission trip to Haiti, Jess is murdered. The shock of loss overwhelms Hank and his journey to reconcile he...
I woke up early and unusually nervous. I had preached hundreds of sermons but today I felt like I was preaching for the first time. This was my first day back in the pulpit. Was I ready? I didn't know but I was looking forward to a sense of normalcy.
I wanted to be there early to get my bearings. I pulled up to Quest Church, a church I had helped plant. It had grown tremendously over the last three years. We were now running over 500 people, with a lot of young families attending.
I sat at my desk and focused on my breathing. It was surreal being back here with my life being so different. The church had been very gracious to me. Today, after service, I would meet with the deacons. They wanted to see me. Dean was the head of the deacons and he had given me a heads up this meeting was to ensure their patient support for me as I healed, whatever that meant.
Around 9:10 I headed through the double doors by my office into the sanctuary. I sensed a hush come over the sanctuary as I entered. Trauma makes you famous. My nerves increased significantly in that moment. It felt... awkward in here. I continued breathing and sat down. The music started. Brother Ned, our worship pastor, welcomed me back to a loud ovation. We then sang some of my favorites, Lord I Need You followed by Come As You Are.
After the singing I made my way up to the pulpit.
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Thank you church for the sign of support this morning. We are packed out in here today. I want you to know that the messages, flowers, and loads of food you have sent my way have been a blessing to me. I need three refrigerators for it all! (The crowd laughed). I am not going to sugarcoat it. I am hurting. I have always cut straight with you and I wont stop that today. I love this church and that means I love each of you, even you Dean (that got a bigger laugh). My heart is shattered into a thousand pieces. My Jess is gone. (I could hear several sniffles and weeping. She was loved here). As you have heard, Jess was four weeks pregnant. I didn't know that as she had planned on surprising me after the Haiti trip.
Like I said my heart is shattered but God can heal it. I believe that and I hope you do as well. (Several Amens were shouted back at me).
I want to caution you not to listen to hearsay or the media or any gossip. My wife and baby were killed in Haiti. There are no conspiracy theories here. The man who killed them was an unknown stalker of Jess. We had no idea he was a danger. I must somehow find it in my heart to forgive this man what he ahs done. Why you say? First of all, Jesus forgave me when I was God's enemy. How can I not forgive when I was forgiven. Second of all, as my mentor wisely told me this weekend, I must do it for myself. Without forgiveness, bitterness will root and my heart will be repaired with the root of bitterness holding it together. I would feel better but it wouldn't be healing, but bondage. Now keeping it real here, I am not ready to forgive. Forgiveness is more than just saying the words. I have to mean it and I need time and God's working in my heart for that. My church family, will you pray for me? (A loud amen erupted form the congregation).
