Another Pair Of Eyes: Love is Not Blind

Chapter 16

September 23, 2013

Tonight, my anger gave me the courage to confront Hank. My heart was racing walking into that bar. I had no idea if Hank would listen to me. I felt the fear that Hank would reject me. I had braced for it. Even if he did I wasn't going anywhere. We were meant for each other and I wasn't going to abandon him, even though I did want to punch him a few times. This really hurt me. Hank knew I wasn't a fan of drinking and seeing him slowly increase his partying had upset me. I told him with no uncertainty and he kept brushing me off as worrying too much. I was so angry!

When I confronted Hank I wanted to believe he would hear me. He always had heard my concerns in the past. That's why we had something special. We listened to each other and were willing to change if necessary. Hank looked defiant tonight. I didn't know if I could break through to him tonight. Somewhere in the conversation I saw a change, I saw the receptive hank that I fell in love with. It was subtle, more eye contact and his foot moving over to touch mine.

When he said he loved me it melted my anger away. I really believe he saw the light, that this drinking was not just hurting me but him. God you are so good!!! I know Hank is not perfect. I am so thankful he loves me enough to sacrifice for me.

January 5, 2019

I couldn't stand seeing Jess hurt. That made giving up the social drinking easy. I quit on the spot. I had never been able to hurt Jess. Hurting her was like hurting myself. I had not given drinking another thought while she was alive. I couldn't bear the thought of her disappointment.

Jess was always so quick to forgive me. It's just another reason among a thousand I loved her so much. I missed her. I still feel her presence. When I sit on the couch I almost can still feel her head on my lap. I still smell her in my bedroom. Her makeup and brush still sit on the bathroom counter. I haven't moved a thing. My mom has offered but I am just not ready yet. It's been a little over four months and my soul still feels like half of it was ripped out and died.

The doorbell rang. Before I had it opened someone pushed it in. It about knocked me down. When I saw who it was I smiled. Someone had definitely regained his strength.

"Hey, let me in. I only have a few minutes. Jackie is going to kill me if I don't get this bread back for her to throw in the oven! Here is some lasagna from last night. Jackie thinks you are going to starve to death if she doesn't feed you."

Dean still didn't look at full strength but that just meant instead of being built like a Grizzly Bear, he had been reduced to a Bigfoot.

'Thanks, what's your hurry." He looked down and saw the journal in my hand. "I was just reading about that time Jess almost killed me for being stupid."

"Yeah, that's not helpful information. You have been stupid so many times I have no idea which time you are referring too." He hit me in the arm, which felt like a sledgehammer. I was so glad he was ok.

"I hate you cant hang around for awhile. I am in Season 4 of the Office. You know how much you like Andy Bernard, even though you remind me much more of a Dwight."

"Ha, whenever I am about to do something I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing." Dean loved to quote Dwight. He tried to mimic the voice but it wasn't close.

Dean, put the lasagna down and headed to the door. "I really have to go. We are having Dave and Ginger over for dinner." Dean and Jackie had been reaching out to Josh's family since his death. Ginger was Josh's mom and she had really responded to Dean's attempts to know them. At first she thought Dean was out to get her somehow but it didn't take long for Dean's charm to win her over.