Hank and Jess had something in their marriage most couples cannot claim, an unbelievable connection and fierce love for each other. While on a mission trip to Haiti, Jess is murdered. The shock of loss overwhelms Hank and his journey to reconcile he...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
The counselor had recommended I journal to put my thoughts on paper. She felt I held things in too much and didn't deal. She was correct. Talking about Eric and my parents had made me realize how painful it still was. I had thought I was past it all but truth was, it was just laying there under the surface ready to bubble up. The counselor helped me deal with it on my own terms. I decided to take her up on journaling. I wrote my first entry in March of 2011, before I graduated high school. Looking through it now I see so many ups and down.
Journal entry: March 20,2011
Softball is my escape from the annoyance that has become my reality; dealing with my dad's death, Eric's wickedness, and mom's ever-growing instability, I pour myself into my craft. Coach told me this weekend that I had been nominated for player of the year in Tennessee. My hard work had not been for a trophy but it looks like it had paid off in other ways besides helping me cope. I could see it now in my award's speech, "I want to thank my family for being incredibly dysfunctional and driving me to be fixated on softball so I could win this award today. Hurray for all you with dysfunctional families out there!" Yeah, that should be a memorable acceptance speech.
I still loved my family. I still loved Eric. Yet, I hated my family. I hated Eric. Ok, I was probably as screwed up as they were. But, one thing I had in my life was discipline and determination and I had the discipline and determination not to end up like Eric or my parents. I want to be healthy, whatever healthy looks like.
Journal entry: April 29, 2011
When I got the call today from Coach Young I was so ecstatic. This was my dream to play at University of Memphis. I found out this week that Krystal was going to paly tennis there so we were going to be able to room together! That was amazing news!
On the home front things were better fortunately. I could only control myself. That was frustrating, as I loved to make all my family members do the right thing.
Counseling had really helped me deal with my anger and bitterness towards my family. Sure I felt strongly still about the whole deal but I had better perspective. I had forgiven my dad for leaving us. I had convinced mom to go to AA and to lean on her sponsor and she was doing better. I couldn't get myself to reach out to Eric yet. I was terrified of him and that made me angrier than anything. I didn't like the power he still had over me.
In a month I graduate and start summer practice I have been working on my opposite field swing and it was starting to click. It was going to be incredible going to College. I couldn't wait for this next chapter in my life. Who cares if I didn't have a boyfriend and softball kept me too busy for many friends. I was content and that felt more than good to me right now.
Journal entry: November 12, 2012
Derek asked me out today! He had been asking about me through some of my teammates and he finally got the nerve up to do it! He told me I had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen! He is so cute and sweet. He was so nervous asking me out!
