Another Pair Of Eyes: Love is Not Blind

Chapter 22

October 2, 2013

"He called again and I decided to answer this time and let him know you weren't going to talk with him now, tomorrow, or ever. I told him he needed to move on. He wasn't happy with that, but I think he is starting to get the message that it really is over." Heather had been my gatekeeper these last couple of days. I didn't want to see anyone, especially Derek. I was going to be ok but that didn't mean it was going to be easy. I had been through a lot and nothing was ever easy.

"Thanks, Heather. If he was so passionate about fixing it now that he screwed it up, where was the passion he needed to stay faithful, huh?"

"Now, that is an excellent point. It's amazing how people become a lot more urgent about doing right only after they get caught doing wrong!" Heather handed me water and sat down beside me on the bed. I leaned my head on her shoulder.

"It is getting harder and harder to find someone or something I can really trust. I mean, my brother wasn't trustworthy, my parents were not dependable, my body has let me down, and now my fiancé, ex fiancé, cheats on me a few months before our wedding! I fell like I can trust Krystal and I can trust you and that is it. It is getting hard not to become a cynic." Heather hugged me and rubbed my back. She knew just how to calm me.

"Oh Em. It sounds bad when you say it like, that but not everyone will be so unreliable. But Em, hear me out here, you need to know that you will never be able to fully trust any person with all of yourself. You can't give your full heart and soul to them. Now, I am not saying that you cannot trust people. I am saying you cannot put all your hope in a person because they cannot meet that expectation for you." She stood up and ppointed at herself.

"Take me for example; I would never desire to hurt you, disappoint you, or let you down, but given enough time, I would do all three of those eventually. It is not because I am disloyal and uncaring; it is because I am human."

She kneeled down in front of me. She grabbed my face and held it in her hands. I had never seen her so serious. "We were never made to lean completely on anyone, not as our ultimate protector. You, of course, have many examples of people close to you who have let you down. But even if they had been faithful, they still couldn't satisfy that need in you. You following me?" She waited patiently for me to answer.

"Heather, I think people like you are trustworthy. I get that you are not perfect, but you would never hurt me intentionally. I need a man like you!" Heather laughed, but I could tell she wasn't done.

"Yes, I would never intentionally do it, but I still would let you down. But it is not even really about that. As loyal as I would be to you, I couldn't ever give you what you ultimately need: peace and hope. I can only help you be happy sometimes. I don't have the power to give you peace and hope, though. Actually, no one can do that and if you try to find it in him or her, they will only disappoint you. I don't want you to go through that disheartening reminder for the rest of your life in every relationship."

"Oh Heather, you might be the cynic between us two! I figured peace and hope couldn't come from anyone. I already knew that. I wouldn't trust them with it. I think peace and hope have to come from within, from myself." Heather smiled.

"Em, you never lacked for confidence, that's for sure. You are a strong person and I greatly admire you, but think about your answer---- how much peace and hope can you produce for yourself? You might make your own peace when things are good, but are you at peace right now? My point is that when things are tough, you have to look outside of yourself for peace and hope."

I had been wary when I first met Heather. She carried that Bible everywhere with her and she was always attending a bible study or prayer meeting somewhere. Yet, Heather had been a good friend and had been there for me like no one else had in my life, even Krystal. I still saw her as a 'Jesus-freak," but even now, I couldn't deny she had something I seemed to be missing. Heather didn't need a boyfriend or a bunch of friends or a certain look to be happy. She seemed to be consistently happy, no matter what.