Perri and Him-the fifth book to series 'Perri and Me' about Perri Kiely

Chapter 4 Part 2

Skye is staring at me. So are Mitch and Kim who have just walked in and are staring at me, open mouthed. I can't even move. I'm so shocked.

Starr. Dead.

It hit him so hard he couldn't even talk to me about it.

"Amber-" Mitch starts.

"No." I say, still crying. "I'll fix this..."

Pel went back into his room, in floods of tears. Even if he wasn't there for me when Mum died, I'll be there for him.

A pain hammers on my chest as I climb the stairs again. I'm finding it hard to breathe. I never talked to Starr half as much as I talked to Elvie but I can't imagine how Elvie must be feeling right now. Or Karen. Even Pel's Dad.

I get to the door which is locked.

"Perri, please!" I shout. "Let me talk to you, I'm sorry."

Now Mitch comes up behind me.

"Amber- leave him alone." He says.

"Go away!" I shout to Mitch, pushing him backwards.

He stumbles and falls back and I turn around to look at him.

"I'm sorry..." I say, but my eyes return to the door. "Pel, open up."

I fall to the floor, banging on the door. Mitch comes and puts his arms on his shoulders.

"Mitch, I love you and Kim...but leave us alone. Go home,and meet us back at our house. We'll be there soon..." I say.

Mitch sighs but then nods, looking at me hopefully.

I sit there crying as Mitch talks to Kim quietly and she leaves with him reluctantly.

"Perri....." I say. "I love you.....I can help you Pel....please."

I am sitting out there for another two hours, believe it or not. Skye's Mum came back and even she,did not try and interfere with what was going on. Anyone would leave right now. Not me. I've never seen him this hurt and I can't bear it. It's tearing me apart. Sure, it sucks when you're upset but try watching someone else cry. Not just anyone. Try watching someone you'd die for cry. It doesn't just kill. It kills slowly. It hurts like a pain that was worse than yesterday. And yesterday was really bad.

I give up saying his name. I just want him to know I'm here. That I'm sorry for everything that's happened to him. It's not all about you, Amber. I know what this means. It means that during the time when I was in hospital with Reid, he called Starr. He was probably looking for his sister's aid and advice because he was a wreck. And then Starr crashed her car. And he fell apart. He just needed to stay with someone that wouldn't remind him of family. And Skye was the most distant, so he chose her. He couldn't even tell me. He was too broken to tell me even in his letter because he knew I'd panic. That it would terrorise me like Mum's death did.

And he was right. I want to throw up right here and now. I feel faint like I can't imagine what he must be going through. Mum was Mum to me. But his sister wasn't just his sister- Perri loved her before he loved me...

My heart is beating at the same time with the pounding in my head. I look back at the door, hopelessly. But the door is unlocked. And there is Pel, standing there. Red eyes like mine. Hair scattered around his face. His lips quivering. What do I say to him? I stand up to my feet and he gestures for me to come in. He closes the door behind us. I grab hold of his arm and help him before we're sitting on the bed, facing each other.

"Pel, I'm so sorry..." I say.

Amber- don't cry. Don't you dare! Be strong!

"I'm so, so, sorry..." I say. "I get why you didn't tell me......I know what it feels like.....and it's not your fault."