The Reluctant Adventures of Pigglebottom Broadsword

Chapter One

Drip, drip, drip, drip.

The incessant sound was starting to drive Pigglebottom Broadsword insane. The damp, dark and isolated cave he now found himself in was a world away from his previous Adventuring office. Gone were the countless cups of tea made for him by the work experience troll, and gone were the streams of sunlight that peeked through the windows and shone onto his face during his afternoon naps. All these comforts had now been replaced by a sound that was impossible to locate, damp air that was reeking havoc with Pigglebottom's asthma, and insects, so many insects, one of which seemed to have the same face as Pigglebottom's mother, a fact that made him question his own sanity on a near-hourly basis.

Pigglebottom had assured his mother (the actual one, not the insect) countless times that the reason for relocating his Adventuring company from the city to this more remote region was for their benefit. If he set up his company in a less inhabited area, his overheads would be reduced drastically, helping keep the company afloat in the financially difficult times they were facing. As a result of the move, Pigglebottom hadn't received any requests for Adventures, which greatly infuriated his greedy mother. This was in stark contrast to the company's previous years, which had been prosperous and financially rewarding for the family. Their success was a direct result of Pigglebottom's father; Baron Broadsword. Baron was the most famous Adventurer of his age, and simply hearing his name would make a dragon's eggs go cold and a Cyclops cover his one eye in fear. He was a legendarily brave man who would never turn down a request for help. If a monster needed slaying or a curse lifted, Baron was the man. His name and legend had spread across all of the 4 continents due to the fact that he had no set fee, which resulted in him being known as a man of the people, a working-class hero of sorts who was always willing to lend a hand to anyone that needed it. His name was so widely known that (with the help of his wife), he was able to open the world's first legitimate Adventuring company. Unfortunately, during a run-in with a succubus, Baron was tragically murdered and the responsibility of the company fell to Baron's sole heir; Pigglebottom. Aside from his father's business, Pigglebottom inherited nothing else from his father, especially not Baron's world-famous good looks. He inhabited a short, and fairly rotund frame, with overly long curly brown hair (which frequently went unwashed for weeks on end) and a face which had once been described, rather nastily, like that of an "ogre's smacked arse". This was a comparison which Pigglebottom pleaded with his mother for years to stop repeating.

Pigglebottom's brand-new office was indeed significantly cheaper than his previous dwelling, but it was not the price that had attracted him. You see, every moment that Pigglebottom spent in the previous office, he lived in fear. The thought that someone might appear and request his services frightened him to no end. This was the real reason he had decided to relocate to such an inhospitable environment, 'No one will find me all the way out here' he decided when the idea first came to him whilst hiding under his desk as someone outside banged loudly on his office door. This was a tactic that Pigglebottom would use frequently to avoid having to take any dangerous assignments in addition to leaving the door to the office locked, and the telephone unplugged. If he couldn't be reached, then he couldn't be employed. His crippling fears stopped him pursuing his own dreams (becoming a singer-songwriter/dancer), and the presence of his overbearing mother made him feel obliged to keep the family business running. On the rare occasion he accepted a job it was usually because 1. The person had forced their way into his office and possessed a threatening nature, or 2. His mother was in the room when a person in need (with money in their wallet, of course) knocked on the door. It wasn't that Pigglebottom was lazy or didn't want to help anyone, he just couldn't. But what was he afraid of I hear you ask? Well, just about anything, really, this was a man who would leap out of his skin every time an Armoured Horse and Cart honked its horn in the street. He couldn't pinpoint exactly when he turned into a blubbering coward of a man and therefore considered that perhaps he'd just always been that way. One thing he was sure of though, was that his mother played a big part in creating the shivering mess that was Pigglebottom. His fear of her was so great that to avoid a beating, he once locked himself in the refrigerator. He was later discovered, completely unconscious, inside by his mother. Upon awakening in an oxygen-deprived haze, the sight of his mother's angry face was enough to make him dart back towards the refrigerator for another round of nerve-numbing asphyxiation.