The Reluctant Adventures of Pigglebottom Broadsword

Chapter Twenty-Six

After taking an astonishingly long time to lock up, the two brothers gestured to Pigglebottom to follow them out of the back door. After traversing their way over spilled bin bags and wire fences, the three arrived at a small clearing with a beaten up old plane covered in dirt and grime.

"Here she is, the ticket to the skies, the winged beast from ages lost" Poached shouted as he ran towards the craft.

"It certainly looks like it's from ancient times" Pigglebottom muttered as he joined the pair.

Poached clambered into the cockpit as Scrambled awaited the signal before jumping onto the propeller until it buckled under his weight and began moving, he did this around 25 times before the propeller actually engaged and began to move on its own. Giving Poached a thumbs up, Scrambled turned his attention to Pigglebottom and slowly began to walk towards him with outstretched arms. Grabbing Pigglebottom by the scruff of his neck, he climbed the ladder and shoved him into the passenger's seat before settling down next to his brother, somewhat worryingly in the position of co-pilot. As Poached slammed the glass door above them he began to rail off words before they departed, to which Scrambled replied with an affirmative 'Allo'.

"Fuel?" – "Allo"

"Propeller moving?" – "Alllo"

"Windows closed?" - "Allo"

"Sat nav on" – "Allo" (in this particular instance Scrambled also raised a beaten old map seemingly drawn by a child into the air).

"Sangwiches?" – "Allo!" (in this instance he began to dribble).

"Ok then, checks complete, start the engine, move into positions" Poached barked, seemingly enjoying the role of captain. Scrambled scrambled to fasten his seatbelt in time for takeoff, at one point somehow finding Pigglebottom's belt and inserting it into his own slot. Poached began wildly flicking switches each of which seemingly flashed on an off in no set rhythm or for any reason as Pigglebottom's fingers slowly began to grip the armrests of his seats harder and harder.

"All aboard!" Poached shouted, which Scrambled replied to with a gigantic belly laugh, Pigglebottom thought it must've have been some sort of in-joke between the two brothers. The plane began to rattle violently as the propeller gradually picked up more and more speed. Looking out of the window, Pigglebottom could clearly see the rattling was so violent that it was causing screws to literally fly out of their respective holes on the wings with great speed, he considered mentioning this to the pilots but 1. Considered they were already fully aware of the situation and 2. Thought that dying on the way there may be the most peaceful resolution to this quest as he had the distinctly ominous feeling that, once arriving on the island, he would be devoured in someway anyway. The force from the propeller began to inch the craft forwards as Poached steered the plane onto the runway (which was, in fact, a path complete with multiple dog walkers traipsing up and down it).

"Commence countdown" barked Poached. Scrambled began the countdown which was unsurprisingly comprised of the word 'Allo' and nothing else.

"Allo, allo, allo... allo, allo.... Allo" and with the last 'Allo' that left Scrambled's almost completely toothless mouth, the engine roared an ungodly sound as the craft lurched forward and began barrelling down the path as various walkers, ramblers and canines darted out of the way of danger whilst hurling a multitude of abuse at the plane.

The captain, his co-pilot and their passenger (who was quaking in his seat) continued to climb through the haze hanging over Barbarianous and into the clear sky above where they were met with the blaze of the afternoon sun which was slowly beginning its descent to the other side of the world. The plane was holding together surprisingly well despite its appearance, a fact that, now he was actually flying in the craft, Pigglebottom was particularly thankful for.

"I forgot ta say before we left" Poached shouted whilst turning around but still keeping his hand on the navigation stick "if ya see any screws flying out don't panic". Hearing this set Pigglebottom's mind at ease momentarily, until Poached continued "it's only a problem if they come out of the wings", upon hearing these words Pigglebottom slipped into a light coma.

Sometime later Pigglebottom was awoken from his slumber as a result of his head banging against the inside of the cockpit. The craft was encountering some turbulence which was apparently due to Scrambled attempting to catch a bird which was flying past the plane by sticking his head out of the window and opening his mouth, unfortunately what landed in his mouth was actually a small metallic dish-shaped object which was apparently flying at an impossibly fast speed and was of unknown origin. The impact of it slamming into Scrambled's mouth was enough to send him careening into Poached, which in turn sent the plane spiraling to the earth below. Pigglebottom's stomach was now seemingly in his throat just gently nuzzling up to his half-protruding wisdom teeth. As he clutched the seat the screams of "Not again you flippin halfwit!" from Poached rang out through his ears. Suddenly, as the plane burst through a smattering of clouds at a pant-wettingly frightful speed, a small island came into view, which prompted Poached to declare "I'm landing this bird so hold on to yer lunches". The plane bobbed and weaved through the air, seemingly simultaneously rising and dropping at a speed which Pigglebottom strongly desired to never experience again. Closer and closer the green blob of an island became, and closer and closer Pigglebottom's heart came to giving up on him. The nose of the plane was firmly pointing towards the island and the craft inched closer and closer with each passing millisecond. Spotting a seemingly empty green field, Poached set his sights on it and the plane tumbled towards it as he clutched the steering wheel so fiercely that his green knuckles were now as white as paper. All the while Scrambled was seemingly loving the experience and had even gone as far as to unbuckle his seatbelt and as a result, was literally bouncing around the cabin, each hit against a surface resulted in a button or knob of some kind crumbling due to his immense weight. In a flash, Poached fiercely pulled the steering wheel towards himself as the plane bent upwards, seemingly about the crack in half from the pressure, before the craft slammed violently onto the ground below as sparks and chunks of metal flew in all directions. "Anchor!" Poached shouted as the craft continued to screech along the ground towards a thick cluster of gigantic trees ahead. Almost instantly, Scrambled whipped open the window next to him, clambered (surprisingly gracefully) out onto the wing beside him and then proceeded to hang off of it, digging his heels firmly into the ground to gain some traction. This began to work as the plane's speed decreased, however, the force of Scrambled's heels in the ground instead began to spin the plane in a anti-clockwise fashion, which was enough to cause Pigglebottom to spew a fountain of vomit from his mouth, covering the entire cockpit. The only person to escape this horrid experience was ironically Scrambled, who was the cause of it in the first place. After around 200 or so rotations, and a similar number of swear words escaping Poached's mouth, the plane ground to a halt. Clambering out of the cockpit (and using various leaves to wipe the grime of themselves), the group re-convened and Scrambled received a sharp and swift roundhouse kick squarely to the bollocks.