The Reluctant Adventures of Pigglebottom Broadsword

Chapter Ten

Burty filled two somewhat oily cups to the brim with a brownish tea and sat down opposite his cousin, "I'm all out of milk," Burty stated "but I might be producing something similar soon if your story is up to scratch" he spluttered with a slovenly smile, his excitement palpable as he gestured to Pigglebottom to begin his anecdote. Pigglebottom breathed a heavy sigh, then began his story.

"This story is actually a very recent occurrence, it happened mere days ago in the wilds of the Kroydome grasslands" Pigglebottom muttered.

"What was she like!" Burty impatiently interrupted.

"Please, I'm getting to it, if I'm going to tell you this story I will accept no interruptions" Pigglebottom said, annoyed as his cousin mimed sewing his lips together and resumed waiting impatiently.

"Sorry Piggy, just been so long since I've heard a story from a Broadswords' mouth, very exciting, very exciting indeed, please go on!" Burty apologetically spluttered as he slurped his tea.

A few days ago I was traveling across the Grasslands of Kroydome, up from Brown End towards the direction of Femidome. It was a warm day with the sun so high in the sky it almost looked like a giant burning meteor hurtling towards us as it singed everything in its path.

"Setting the scene, I like it, sounds like a very hot and sweaty day" Burty piped up.

"No, I didn't say hot or sweaty, please, I'm the one telling the story, you don't want me to stop do you?" Pigglebottom continued after his cousin made the sewing action for the second time.

I was wandering along a stream filled with clear rushing water. When in the distance I spied a figure sitting at the side of the riverbank, calmly staring into the water below.

"Oh yes, here we go" muttered Burty as his knees jigged up and down in excitement and he began to furiously scratch the underside of his right earlobe.

I stood for a moment, my vision transfixed on the figure in the distance, I could feel... an energy, drawing me in which pulsated like the veins adorning the tired and weathered legs of an elderly lady. This particular sentence was tailored specifically to Burty's apparent taste for women over the age of 70, and as such, it sent Burty into a quiet frenzy as he began simultaneously scratching both ear lobes as increasing amounts of sweat formed on his brow.

My feet started moving before my brain told them to, and my body was flung, crotch first, towards the cloaked figure. As I neared closer, the person slowly rose and turned towards me. Due to the pointed hat and long cloak, it was impossible to discern any features from the figure, all that registered was the faint smell of Pussywillow in the air.

"Its a woman! That's a woman's fragrance, I know it!" shouted Burty excitedly, to which Pigglebottom decided to continue on with the story and pay no attention to Burty's musings.

The smell of the Pussywillow slowly quivered into my nostrils and danced with my nose hairs, entangling them in each other's embrace as they became increasingly stiffer, and then moist as my nose began to run furiously. The figure slowly removed its pointed hat, revealing long luscious blonde curls beneath. Her soft skin glistened in the sunlight and her full lips began to slowly move as she spoke. "Hello... friend'" she said in a soft voice "come... closer, let me wipe your nose" As I moved closer, her beauty became even more apparent. Her eyes seemed to undress me with just a glance, and her bottom lip wavered with an insatiable hunger like that of a pensioner eagerly awaiting her sponge bath..."