Burning Pages (Lil Xan Fan Fiction)

Our Last Meet Up

I felt like vomiting was now in my daily routine, as well as eating nearly everything in the kitchen. I sat on the cold floor with my head down and reminisced on the sound of Diego's excitement when Jessica had told him the false news.

He wasn't at home either....he was with her and Candy was too , when they should've been at home with me and by my side at my beckoning and call.

The tears that I had been keeping hidden suddenly sprung out of my eyes as I had realized that I had made the worst mistake ever. But then I realized maybe it was best, I just got my mother to love me again.....but soon enough she would hate me again.

My father wouldn't want this....no one would want this, this is why no one loves me. I don't understand what I'm doing and why I'm so upset when I should be mad at myself.

"Cassie!" I heard Olivia's familiar voice echo in the house.

I looked up at the doorway and there she stood with a concerned expression.

"How did you get in?" I questioned through my sniffles.

"It was really cliche to keep a key under the mat." She gave a small smile but then changed to a look of concern and crouched down beside me.

"Morning sickness, huh?"

"Yeah." I sniffled, "I messed up last night, I think I ruined everyone's life."

"No you didn't-"

"I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive and Jess found it and I let her take it and lie to Diego and say that she's pregnant." I cut her off.

"Why would you do that Cassie?" Olivia spoke with a shocked expression on her face.

"I-I don't know." I sobbed.

"Its okay, everything is gonna be fine." Olivia pulled me in for a hug, allowing me to lay on her chest, "You have to tell him." She sniffled.

I needed to make things better....

****************

"Diego's P.O.V"

I held Jess's hand close with a broad smile on my face as I realized that I would be a father. I felt as if I was prepared for this to happen. I knew that I now had to get my life together with a child, my child on the way.

But as soon as I let go of her hand I realized that it was time to let Cassie go. I couldn't have her around and just leave Jess. We had to be in this together now that I knew that I would have a child on the way.

"Thank you for being here for me babe." Jess smiled as she patted my hand.

"Its nothing baby, you know I gotchu forever." I slowly planted a kiss on her lips and held her close.

I was gonna build a family with my baby now and no one could stop that from happening.

*********************

"Cassie's P.O.V"

Olivia and I sat at the park on a lonely tired bench as I held Toby close to me. The fear of letting him go or leaving him by himself hung over me like an umbrella that was full of my worries. And me being pregnant was just another thing to add to the list.

"So what are you gonna do?" Olivia questioned as she finally broke the silence.

"I-I don't know." I stuttered, "I'm gonna have to hide it until I know how to tell my mom."

"Just know I got you through all of this." Olivia consulted me.

"I'm just really upset that I couldn't even enjoy the news or even be excited about it because Jess came along and ruined it all." I explained.

"But it doesn't have to end like this, you just can't take what happened with me and think that's what you're supposed to do. My situation is totally different, Diego is a good guy and I can see something between you two that I could never even imagine when I see him with Jess." She went on, "You have to make this right and tell him the truth."

"What makes you think that he'll believe me?"

"Because who would believe Jess." Olivia replied causing me to burst out into laughter.

"I'm gonna make this right, starting with Diego."

Olivia held my hand and gave me a huge smile, "I'm gonna always be here."

-

That night I waited in my room for the usual signal, three knocks.

I paced back and forth thinking about what I should say and how I should go about saying it.

"Cassie you got this." I kept telling myself but then kept going back on my word.

But soon I didn't have time to think about what to say and everything that I had practiced escaped my brain in a sudden second.

*Knock*

*Knock*

*Knock*

I felt as if I was in a horror movie and a ghost had just knocked on the wall and this was now the time to face my fears and somehow get rid of the evil spirit. Why did a part of me wish this situation was like that?

I locked my door and slowly walked towards the window taking a deep breathe before finally opening it and joining him.

When I took my seat Diego was faced forward as if he didn't wanna look at me. I knew that this could only go left or right.....

We sat in silence as I played with my fingers and tried to find out how to explain to Diego that Jessica was a liar.

"Listen Cassie." He spoke while still facing forward, " When I first saw you I looked at you and thought wow she is the most beautiful girl in the world, but I knew I couldn't have you because you were too precious to even be mine so I started to do stupid shit. But then you opened up to me and I thought wow she is an Angel." His voice began to crack.

My eyes began to water and I could never bring myself to cut him off, I wanted to take in every word.

"After hanging out with you and hearing you laugh and seeing you smile I felt like I didn't have to take drugs anymore and all that I needed to take the pain away was be with you." He turned towards me and I watched as a single tear fell down his cheek and hit the tiled roof that we were seated on, " And now I look at you and think, damn I fucking hate letting her go."

The tears that were falling down his face began to somehow trigger the ones that I held in to fall.

"Diego-"

"I'm leaving soon, my mom and I are finally going back to Redlands so you'll never see me again."

"What?" I nearly shrieked.

"Shh just let me hold you in my arms one last time ma." Diego pulled me close and held me in his arms as we stared up at the sky.

I couldn't even force myself to tell him the truth, it would only hurt more. I didn't deserve this last night with him....I didn't deserve any of this. I will regret not telling him for the rest of my life, but I  will not regret this moment when I am held in his arms for the last time.....