3 am Thoughts.

Shark

I see the shark. 

And he sees me.

A little minnow.

And my chest tightens.

My world stops.

My stomach churns.

I see your face and I want to throw up remembering what you've said.

I notice your hair in the sea of students and I want to run thinking of how you began to manipulate me.

I watch you stop in the middle of the sea, it parting to move around you, as you turn around and stare at me. And watch me go to my locker. To my classes. To my lunch table.

I look away and run.
I look away and tears form in my eyes.
My chest feels tight and my stomach hurts and I can't breathe and I just want to be drowning again in the sea in that hallway.

But as you've starting staring, you've pulled me out of it. The only time where drowning was a good thing. Covered in a blanket of smarter fish as the shark is looking to find the weakest bait. I'm pulled from the water and I must struggle to save myself.

All the while, you watch me flounder, unable to breathe, to get back in the puddle. I'm not safe, but I'm okay for now.

Until I'm standing with another fish, a stronger fish, vulnerable, and I see the shark again. I can't hide. I can't run.

I have to brace myself for attack.

It never comes.

And I'm left shaking and feeling like any second my life will be compromised from a surprise attack behind or when I'm alone in a bigger, lonelier part of the ocean.

And all I can do is swim away and scream inside my head thinking of how close you might get next time.

And what you might decide to do if you want me. What you could to do get me alone, trapped. What you might do after then.

But, for now, I'm stuck trembling as your beady, terrifying eyes rake over my scared, paled features. All I can do is look away.

I'm so fucking scared of this shark.