Starstruck - BTS

#7#

Cold.

Deathly cold.

That's how they felt. That's how they had been living in this room for who knows how long. No light, no window, deadly darkness, only themselves. Namjoon could see his older hyung still passed out. He had been passed out from tiredness. Namjoon kept checking his pulse every other minute. The faint pulse giving him some relief that he was still alive.

But not for long. Bleeding, beat up, scarred, that's how they had thrown in Jin to him after two hours of him being locked up. Now a lot of time had passed, no one had entered after leaving them here. No one had come in, not even to talk or hurt them. He wondered why the hell they were brought here. No food, no water, nothing was being given to them.

Thankfully, they had picked up some instant ramyeon and water bottles to eat at home with the other boys. Namjoon was extremely thankful for that, he fed those to his hyung every now and then. Trying to give him some strength. He had himself not eaten anything from the time he had been thrown into the room. His hyung needed the energy more than him.

Namjoon shivered again. He had torn the only shirt he wore to put it on every place his hyung had been bleeding. He didn't want his hyung to bleed out. He had also draped over his sweater on his hyung when he had shivered some hours or perhaps some days ago.

Namjoon's memory was becoming vague. He didn't want to watch his Jin hyung die in front of him. He was scared, alone with his hyung dying. He wanted to get out, wanted to take his hyung to the hospital himself, but he couldn't. He ran his hands through his hair hoping to get some warmth, but his bleeding hand stung so badly that Namjoon was left breathless.

He forgot about that. He had hit the door so hard to open it, but it didn't. Namjoon was persistent though, so he kept trying again and again until his hand stung and started bleeding. His phone in his pocket was just a useless item, battery dying the moment he had started it in hopes of contacting someone the moment he was brought there.

Namjoon wet his dry lips and suddenly felt a dying urge to take the sip of water. It was the last gulp left as they just had two water bottles. Most of it Namjoon had given to Jin, though he had also used some of it to clean Jin's wounds so that no infection occurred. Namjoon reached out to the water and felt his stomach churn. This would be his first gulp of water since he entered this hell.

He felt his Jin hyung stir from his position on Namjoon's shoulder. "Water...." Jin whispered.

Namjoon knew he needed the water. He knew that his strength had slipped. He knew he would die without it. But that never mattered; the moment he was proclaimed as the leader of BTS, he had decided on this fate. He would be selfless and caring to his members, putting them first and foremost.

So that's what he did, with all the energy in him that was left, he put the water bottle on Jin's lips and help him drink it. It was over the water and the limited food that was keeping his hyung alive. Now none of them would make it. There was nothing left to help them live.

Jin hyung fell asleep again, putting his head on his permanent resting place on Namjoon's shoulder. Namjoon sighed as he felt the unnecessary added weight on him.

It was tough for Namjoon, to keep awake, to keep alive. The cold was killing him. The hunger was killing him. The thought of never seeing his family, his friends, his home, his BTS killing him. The thought that he was going to die with Jimin hating him killing him. The fact that Jin hyung was going to die without confessing his love for the youngest two killing him. Namjoon didn't want Jin hyung to die, he didn't deserve to.

Namjoon just wished at that moment that even if he was the one that had to die, the other six boys would live happily. He would give his world for them. Namjoon did what he could to escape from his dark thoughts, and that was just to cuddle to his faint Jin hyung. Namjoon felt cold and tired and lost. Only thoughts of death on his mind.

Namjoon could still remember the first time he and his hyung had gone grocery shopping. Jin had scolded him for overspending since they were only trainees and didn't have a lot of money, but in the end, he had let Namjoon buy what he wanted and paid the money from his own purse.

The warmth he had felt from Jin hyung that day would never be forgotten. He was glad that he had those six boys in his life; that he had A.R.M.Y's in his life; that he had so much overflowing love in his life. For the first time in his twenty-three years of living; he didn't hate being Namjoon. On the contrast, he was glad that he had been born as Namjoon.

Being Namjoon had made him have such amazing parents; even though they didn't support his career choice at first, but that was them just looking out for him. Being Namjoon had caused him to have an adorable and extremely supportive younger sister, and he suddenly felt a pang of guilt and sadness remembering that he couldn't spend much time with her. Being Namjoon meant having a whole fan base that dedicated themselves to loving and adoring him.

Being Namjoon had made him know BangPD, the one person that had taught him everything he knew today. Being Namjoon made him have Kim Seokjin in his life; the hyung that supported him, comforted him, loved him, and most importantly, understood him. Being Namjoon was why he had Yoongi hyung in his life; the person that he admired, respected, adored and supported.

Being Namjoon was why he had a certain Hoseok hyung in his life; the person that wasn't ashamed of embarrassing himself on TV shows if it meant easing some of the pressure on Namjoon's shoulder. Being Namjoon meant having Taehyung and Jungkook in his life; the boys that fooled around with him to remind him he was a kid too, that he didn't have to take all the pressure, that he could let go too.

But most importantly, being Namjoon meant having Jimin in his life, having the boy even know him. Suddenly he missed all of them, he longed for all of them. All the emotions just washed over him leaving him distorted and numb.

Everything was a blur, and Namjoon decided it was time to give up, after all, even he was a human, even he deserved to rest.

And so he did.